The Last Post

I recently read ‘Malawi is like Malaria, once it’s in your blood it’s there for life.’ I think that is true. Pam and I will never be able to get Malawi out of us. It is in there. We will probably come back at some point as well. For how long and when who knows? I’m not quite sure how I summarise the year. It probably didn’t take long, maybe 6 weeks, before we felt like we were living here rather than holidaying here. And I guess that was what it was like. We lived here and although we knew it was for a definitive period we made the most of it. We have made some friends for life and I would like to think that we have had a positive effect on the people we have tried to help out here. They certainly have had a positive effect on us. And so there is little else to say other than the finally statman which kind of sums up our year quite succinctly.

But before I do here is my top three things of our year in Malawi,

 3) Winning the Leslie 7s – it encapsulated all the social aspects of our time here
 2) The Lake – bit cheeky having the lake as a single entry but it was so beautiful and serene that it definitively deserves a mention.
1) My drain – now I know this may seem a bit weird. I built a netball court, football pitch and the solar panel array. But the drain that we put in will probably make more of a difference to more people’s lives than anything else I have done out here. And for that reason I am proud of it.

 Pam’s piece ‘The work was always the most important thing. It was the highest of the high points and definitely the lowest of the lows. But it is those times when you get to take a step back and enjoy the little things that have made the difference to working and living here.

 Pam’s top three;

 3) The Lake – Especially being made part of Smickey and Helen’s family at Cape McLear. 2) Christmas Tour – Our little trip around Malawi was the first time we left the city of Blantyre and saw some of the country.
1) South Luangwa (especially Cumberbatch Fest) – This was our safari to Zambia and we lost ourselves in fits of giggles over the most ridiculousness of the idea of a festival dedicated to the actor.

And then the A-Z of what we will miss;
Animals, Amarula, Adina, avocadoes, aussies.
 Birds, beehive, braais, BSC, branta, bats,beans,beebikes.
 Chilomoni, Chiyembekezo (car, Cape Maclear, Cure Cafe, Chez Ntembe, cocktail parties. Debbie, Dedza, drink driving, Drain, Dutch, dogs, drinking games
Early nights and eyebrows.
 Friends, film files, football field, fresh food, flowers.
Gin and ginger, goat stews, giant insects, Gulu wamkulu, greenery.
 Holidays, heat, head carrying
 International community, Infuse, Ida.
Joe and Gift, JCBs, Jacarandas
KAmpango, Kate, Khondes
La Caverna, Leslie 7s, Liquor garden, Lake Malawi, Laughing.
 Mua Mission, Mayoka village, Mitsidi, Mangoes, Malawians, Matola.
Nsima, Ndafakale, Netball court.
Osadandaula.
Prices, pharmacies, prawns from Mozambique, pang’ono pang’ono.
Queens
 Rum and ginger, relaxed pace, road trips, random parties, racing from BSC to Doogles to Chez.
Sunshine, swimming pool, safari, superior halaals chicken curry, Smickey, Sandra, stars, sunsets.
 Two hour lunches, tomatoes, tans.
 Undulating landscapes, ubiquitous royal mail bikes.
 Views.
 Waving children, wedding cars.
X-rated films with Agogos.
Yelling ‘beebike’.
 Zomba, zikomo, Zambia

STATMAN
 Days in Malawi -338
 Days in Zambia – 3
Days in Mozambique – 4
Home travel – 16 hours

 BLOGSTATS
 Blog posts – 51
 Page views -6508
Countries that viewed blog top ten; UK, US, Malawi, Saudi arabia, ukraine, turkey, germany, feance, portugal and new Zealand

 Notable others; Mali, Montenegro, Brazil, Thailand, Russia, Zimbabwe, Iraq, Taiwan, Hong Kong, Vietnam, Poland, Maldives, Madagascar, Canada, Mozambique, Mexico, Tanzania, Greece, Australia,  China, Netherlands and Israel.

  And that people was the year that was.

Mozambique

I remember when I first heard about Mozambique – not that the country existed I think that was a given, but the beauty of it. It was a friend of mine and we were discussing Southern Africa and I think it was around the time I was either going to or just come back from Tanzania. Gillian, for that was her name, said that if I ever went anywhere I had to go to Mozambique. It stayed with me and when Pam told me she had got the position in Malawi one of my first thoughts, along with Oh Crap Africa for a whole year, was we have to go to Mozambique. 

And boy was it worth it.

After the palaver of the visas we were up at the crack of dawn, actually before it, and left at 5 o’clock on Tuesday morning. A little nervous of what to expect at the border it was actually easier than the Zambia crossing. Export license from Malawi then all you need when you get to Mozambique is insurance. By 8.30 we were in and off on our way. 

Surprisingly easy. We trundled along and found the road we were looking for. Roads out here not being what they are back there and this was one of the secondary roads, ie what you would consider an A road in UK. It was essentially a dirt track. And you know when you have been in Africa too long when you see a road like this and say – wow this one’s not bad. That means you don’t need 4x4 and you can get two vehicles, two bikes, two pedestrians and a chicken all across the breadth of it. 

This was a good stretch.

After 120 kms though it does get a little tiring and you’ve given up counting your fillings. That and with the heat and the windows open everything in the car has that fine covering of red dust on it – especially the back of your throat. 

Blessed tarmac met us and we crept up speed hoping to eat the kilometres. We were stopped short by our first policeman. Now we had been warned before we arrived that the police are notorious for inventing fines, lying about speeds, generally trying to get as much money out of you as possible. I slowed down to a halt with a nervousness and defensive air ready to argue my corner.

He asked for our papers. We showed our passports, driving license, import license and insurance.

Thank you very much, have a nice day.

What? Who? Where are the nasty policemen who want all our money? I didn’t wait and proceeded on our way.

I feel I should also point out that the conversation was not actually quite like that, I was translating for you the reader to aid the flow of the story. The real conversation went something like this. 

Bom dia, costa la praga de nero pacino documentarasa que ce fort da Ibiza.

I terrible sorry I don’t speak a word of Portuguese. Do you speak English?

Guetta da giuido luigi amario documenterarassa por favour senor.

Urm, would you like to see my documents? (thrust every piece of paper we have at him).

Terra firma favere te fyi gertu mana pao le fido.

Eh?

He then handed back our papers gave us a smile and waved us away. Lovely chap.

Next hurdle was petrol and money. Due to our careful planning and sensible nature we have an upgraded HSBC account with a visa card allowing us to take money out anywhere in the world. 

Works in Malawi, worked in Zambia, would it work in Mozambique or would this be the shortest holiday in the history with us turning round and driving back.

No! They're good them Chinese I tell you. Boom next hurdles down. Money out at the cash point, tank filled up and we were back on our way. 

Then we get lost.

Then we were back on our way.

Lost again.

Away again.

To cut a long journey short – and wow was it a long journey, we got lost in the two towns we had to drive through, not massively but a little. What was actually the biggest killer was how far we had to drive, we had underestimated how much the little bits add up like getting lost, petrol, food stops, border crossings and before we knew it it was dark and we were still driving. But it was kinda fun, road trip style, the iPod kicking out tunes. And eventually through being talked in by the manager we found our first hotel. I’d live to tell you how we sat in the bar and relaxed with a hard earned beer and had a moonlight stroll on the beach but I laid on the bed and according to Pam was asleep in about 30 seconds. 

Our house with a Pam in the hammock.

Beach selfie.

But not to worry because this is what I woke up to! White sands, blue sea, very hot sun. It was delicious. And what did we do. Nothing. Let me clarify nothing. We read out books. We laid on the beach. We laid in a hammock, on our veranda. We ate. We drank. And I swam in the sea. That was it. And it was great! Oh we also found some shells. And the sea was actually warmer that the swimming pool at Mitsidi. Bliss.

Just like Daniel Craig!

The only problem with our beach side house was the time there. It was way too short and after a couple of days we had to move on the Island of Mozambique, or as the locals call it Ilha de Mocambique. 

Cobbled streets

Archways

A little bit of spiel about it. The whole island is a UNESCO world heritage site. As with the rest of Mozambique it was under Portuguese reign until I think 1960 something. It was the capital until 1898 when it was moved to Maputo. It is reached by a 3.5km road bridge and has influences from the Portuguese, the Africans and the Arabs who used it during the slave trade. 

lots of gardens

The Hospital

Random facade

I imagine when it was in its heyday it was a sight to behold. Don’t get me wrong it still is and as it is only 600m wide and 2.5 km long you can easily walk it in a day. But a lot of it is falling apart. It gives it a rustic appeal. We spent our days walking around simply staring at buildings and monuments and ornaments. The two main sites are the Fort of Sao Sebastiao that is the largest standing fort in sub Saharan Africa and even more impressive the Chapel of Nossa Senhora de Baluarte that is there. It was built in 1522 and is the oldest European building in sub-saharan Africa. And seeing the way Africans build buildings I wouldn’t be surprised if it was the oldest building although there may be some Arab buildings older.

Inside the Fort

It still has the original cannons

The fort was used for slave trading and on our way round the guide told us how they brought they there, sorted them out, killed them if they didn’t like them then shipped them on. 

Chapel of Nossa Senhora de Baluarte

The other building of note (apart from all the others that are amazing!) is another Church - Miscericordia and Governor’s residence. All the original furniture is in the building, the beds, the dining set, ornaments, paintings. It is like a stately home only so much more colonial and European. The other thing that is nuts is the two museums attached to this building. Some little Mozambican takes you round and shows you paintings from 1600, silver candle sticks, bronze cups and dishes, gold leaf altars and a silver chest that looked like it was worth a fortune. All of it behind a single door and a little old man with a cloth hat. The history was amazing.

Captured rainwater for drinking

What also is amazing is the sea food! Woo wah wee wah! We were told if you wanted to have lobster then the place to go was De Flora. So first night we thought why not! WOW. I had the lobster and chips. It was sublime, so creamy and meaty and tasty and so freaking much. And every restaurant has a host of fish and seafood dishes. If you like seafood you have to go. You simply have to. Their shrimps our like our prawns, their prawns are like our giant GM king prawns, their king prawns our like are lobsters and their lobsters are like a small family dog!

The roof top terrace for dinner

Muscles and fish and squid and octopus and it is all cooked in rich spicy delicious sauces. MMMmmmMMMM. And, and guess what….it has its own beer… and it’s NOT CARLEBERG!!

Don't mind if I do!

Oh it was so good. 

Our breakfast was taken on the roof top terrace every morning with the Bulgarians and French. Freshly good bread each morning with tea and jam and butter watching the fishing boats come back in. Watching the sun dancing off the brilliant blue sea. It was wonderful. 

Man versus Lobster!

An Epic Battle!

and Man Won!

It was expensive – not vastly so about the same as a European holiday, and we didn’t have long enough – but it was so worth the long drive and the short stay to see and experience one of the most wonderful places on earth ( I sound like Judith Chalmers but it really was that good!)

The journey back was a lot easier as well, for one we knew where we were going, and two we could jump straight onto tarmac (the last 45km to the beach was on sand and dirt and rubbish).

Mozambique done all that was left to do was attend my last assembly in work at Beehive. They had postponed the Construction assembly so it was yesterdays and it was so nice to heat the impact I had made on the place. They when through the projects that I had finished here and presented me with a present and the choir even sang a special song for me. So lovely. 

My pressies - Football shirt, traditional shirt, Bawo board, wine cups and a photo of me and my construction team.

And that is it. We have done all the holidaying, we have both left work. We have one more party to go to and that is tonight which we have invited  all our friends out to a bar for a drink and a farewell and then we are gone. Thursday. Two days away. It is all a bit surreal and it definitely hasn’t sunk in that we are leaving yet. But what more is left to say. I have to try and sum it all up for you guys for a special Thursday post and I’ll be honest I have no idea what to say. Dunno. 

But that people was the Mozambique week that was!

STATMAN

KMs covered – 1500

Hours taken to get there – 16

Hours taken to get back – 12

Size of the lobster – 800g and I finished it all!

Cost of the toll to cross the bridge – 10 Mt (20p)

Number of bits that fell off our car – None. It still going!

Trucks we saw crashed – 9. One was a double one on its side. One was upside down!

Times stopped by policemen – 3. First one asked to see documents. Second just for a chat, third saw we were foreign and just waved us on!

Fines paid – 0

Crazy Americans we gave a lift to – 4. I thought they had broken down forgetting that hitching in Africa is signalled differently. But we squeezed them all in.

Number of meals eaten that did not contain seafood (excluding breakfast) – 1 – not bad out of five days worth of meals.

Off into the unknown...

By the time the majority of you read this – assuming you are reading it on Tuesday morning or evening after a hard days work we will be (hopefully) on our way through Mozambique. Yes I know we were supposed to leave on Monday. We were but that is a story that I shall explain further down the page.

This week has been exhausting. A lot of running around in work trying to finish bits off. Remember and write down all the things I think should be remembered and written down. And getting reading for Beehives biggest day of the year.

Wednesday we had a party at ours due to one of our friends return back to the UK for a holiday. She is coming back here but we will be gone by the time she returns so we had a pizza party for her and a few drinks.

Thursday was my last rugby session with the lads, and all the ladies came afterwards to enjoy in the tom foolery after rugby that always ensues. Not only that we all continued onto Doogles, the only place to be in Blantyre on a Thursday night if you are an expat (allegedly) and then we did go onto Chez. To give it it’s full title it is Chez Ntembe International Night Club. It is international because there is one in Zambia and one in Zimbabwe. It is a little bit loose calling in international and to be fair it is a little bit loose calling it a night club. But it was the first time that Pam, Debbie, Adina and Kate had been to Chez. I’ll be honest it might be the last time they go as well. I have describe it before but I will again, save you traipsing all the way back through the blog. It is an oblong room with a bar at one end, toilets at the other and in the middle dreams die.

There is something I affectionately call the Chez shuffle. There are two versions of this dance move, one is for the men to swop with the ladies to avoid the attentions of the local male Malawian population and the other is the women to swop with the men to avoid to attentions of the local women of the working persuasions. Anyway we all had a good dance and no-one got mugged or stabbed. A good night in all. I was fortunate in that once again I didn’t have to work on the Friday, the others did. What I did have to do on the Friday was drop Pam off and then sort out all the stuff for Mozambique.

Well first stop was the police station. This is actually one of the most efficient systems in place in Malawi, and to be fair I think some Western countries would struggle to beat it. It is an Interpol certificate to prove your car is not stolen. I trundle up to the second floor to find the office of anti vehicle theft. Show him my passport and motor certificate. He gives me a bill for 5000 kwacha. I trundle to the cashier and return with a receipt  and he writes out the certificate, stamps it, and I’m done. In and out in about 10 minutes. The smell of the toilets makes it feel like an hour though!

That done I proceeded to breakfast and then the Mozambique Embassy. Now I have applied and got a fair few visa in my time and I guess I should have known better but in my defence Zambia and Zimbabwe you simply turn up at the border and sort it out. I had in my mind I would turn up at the embassy, fill in the forms, stampy stamp stamp – job done.

No. It started to go wrong when I saw the sign outside. Applications 8-12 Collection 14-16:00. Check watch, 11.55. Whoops. I bound up the stairs and into the office slightly out of breath and upto the counter. The woman does not look impressed. Not to worry, I said good morning, I was all smiles and charm.

Two visas to Mozambique please.

She looks at me, charges me 200 kwacha and hands me to forms to fill in.

I don’t have a pen.

After much huffing and puffing she lends me one.

I fill in the form to the best of my ability but if there was an award for the worse most confusing form it would be up there. That and the question boxes don’t have answer boxes. You have to write everything in the same box.

I return to the window big smile.

The address of the hotel needs to be a full address.

Why? Is there more than one Casa Gabriele on a different Island of Mozambique (it is about 5km long!). So I try to fill out a bit more and blag.

Do you have your invitation letter.

Bugger. I do but it is in the car. She looks at her watch. Looks at the wall clock. It is past 12 by now. I apologise and leg it.

Back from the car she looks at the email the hotel have sent us with disgust and then back at me.

Do you have your bank statement.

Er no, why the hell would I need one of those for a visa I think but don’t say. Erm I can bring it this afternoon if you will accept a screen print from a computer.

She begrudgingly accepts.

Two passport photos.

Eh. Passport photos. Why? You have my passport. How difficult are you trying to make it to get into your country for tourists? Do you not want our money? I’m coming from the country next door!

And there is no way I am getting this. I mean I could have got one for me maybe, nip up the road, but Pam is in work, twenty minutes away. So I relented and said no.

At this point she chucks the passports back across the counter with a exasperated sigh and simples come back Monday and doesn’t even look at me.

So we will be returning to the embassy Monday and hopeful going Tuesday. Fingers crossed.

Friday afternoon I, with all the other volunteers, ran around beehive in a mild state trying to get everything ready for the bike chase. Eventually it was almost organised and we called it a day with an early start in the morning.

Another night out to Pam’s friend from work who’s cook produce a delicious pumpkin soup, beef stew and fruit salad – not all together you understand.

And then the big day. The Chilomoni Bike Chase.

Well the morning stared with volunteers trying to direct staff for the final jobs to do. Then the sponsors and stall holders turned up with sounds systems, wares to sell, and products to demonstrate.

The first activity was the netball game between the Blantyre Tigresses (who won the Malawian premier league – and bearing in mind Malawi are fourth in the world) and the Beehive Stingers – a bunch of people at Beehive who know how to play netball.

Well the team bus with the tigresses turned up, all in their spangly uniforms, all a foot taller than are team. The first job though was for me to stop the team bus under the Finish Line banner so I could climb on the roof and unfurl it.

I then had to leg it up to the pitch to make sure the lines were marked out – it’s a sand court so we use lime. It wasn’t so toot sweet Aubrey and I finished it off. As in true style it is always the same people who volunteer for everything so as soon as Aubrey and Amos finished they had to go and get ready for the racing.

I then ran around to find another one of my workers who was supposed to be in charge of the cross bar challenge on the football pitch. Same as Soccer AM the ball is on the half way line (ours is only a 60m pitch so it’s as tough) the only problem was that at ten past nine (it was supposed to start at nine) he had no football. Hmmm. Now to be fair I just told him – get a football and sort it. I did see him later, bless him, standing in the middle of the pitch surrounded by children with his bag of tea which were the prizes not having many takers.

Next was the racing itself. Well where do I start?

Pam with two of our neighbours

 

 

The idea of the Chilomoni Bike Chase is to raise money for the Mother Teresa Children Centre (MTCC). Beehive invites all the companies that it can think of to partake. They pay a lot of money to buy our Royal Mail Bikes (more on them later). These are then painted in the companies colours. On the day a team of riders turn up from said company, race the bikes, then the company either takes the bikes for their own use or donates them to a worthwhile cause. Simples.

The bikes. The bikes we were racing are the old school Royal Mail Bikes that are designed for carry mail. They can carry 150kg. They are very heavy. They only have 3 gears. They are not racing bikes!

Throw into the mix the course. The course leaves Beehive campus, sharp left down a hill on a dirt road, round a few corners, few more dirt roads, up onto tarmac, along a road, dodge the minibuses, cars, lorries, off the tarmac back onto the dirt, up some rocky cobbled dodgy back streets, down some ridiculously steep hills and back alongside MTCC.

The way the racing was conducted was thus; thirteen teams of four riders in relay style. But to absolute carnage last year it was decided to have two legs rather than four and two riders from each team in each leg. Simples. It also meant that as only the first rider in each team counted that you only needed two good cyclists the rest of the team can be there for the fun.

The international companies (there were three of them) asked for volunteers to rider for them so we had a MTCC team – Hanacell, and Construction team – Mobal, and a JPII students team – FMB. The others were Coca cola, Puma Energy, GoTV, and some other local companies.

My team, Bosco, Aubrey, some random, Amos and Me

Our heat was first, 4 teams, 16 riders, 8 on the start line, including me. The other thing was I have managed to pick up some cycling tops out here cheap to take back with me. The look on my teams faces when I said we would wear them instead of the free pink t-shirts everyone else had on – it was great!

The start line - we turned left in front of the white van!

Well the whistle went and we were off. Either me or Bosco are nuts or the others were wusses but we were first and second into the first corner by pelting it as fast as we could down the first hill. Negotiating the bumps, rocks , children and cars it was a tight race but Bosco was first into the changeover, coca cola and a student next and I came in fourth, first of the second riders!

Our teammates then charged off into the distance and we were left to wonder. Well we didn’t wonder, we wandered. Back to the campus where we learn we had won and were through to the final. Woop woop. Two more heats with the other teams then the best race of the day. The Chilomini race. 5 year olds on trikes round the car park. You have never seen anything so cute in all your life. 3 heats of four then 3 kids in the final. And the girl won! To be fair she had the crowd on her side by quite a margin.

And onto the final, which was to be decided between Illovo the sugar company, construction team and the MTCC team. Well the start was a replay, Bosco and me into the first corner first. Sweet. But it didn’t last, the two Illovo guys caught me up and whirred past on the first tarmac section, but Bosco was still going strong. Changeover I was fourth in. MTCC both behind. What was quite nice though was all the hand shakes and congratulations between the first riders. We then all turned round and cycled back the same way to get back to see who had won.

And who had won........

This is a good stretch of road

Illovo.

Now I don’t want to sound like sour grapes or anything but 1) Amos was only a few meters behind and his saddle broke so it dropped down too low and spun around, and 2) Illovo had hired a couple of professional international cyclists.

Collecting our awards

But we got a medal and a mug and had a great day. What was also really nice is we opened up the centre to all the local children who normally stand outside at the fence and watch the activities from the wrongs side of the bar. It was a stampede when they realised they were allowed in. Hundreds of them on the jumping castle (bouncy to you and me). Then dancing at the disco. Sitting on the chairs and tables for the face painting and colouring. It was a great day and a wonderful one to end my Beehive time on. And so another chapter ends. I have only one more thing to do and that is to attend a final assembly on the 11^th to say goodbye to all the staff.

Today (super organised writing this on Sunday!) was a very sedate affair which involved a trip to Ryalls, the very nice hotel, for an all you can eat buffet for Sunday lunch – wow I wish we had tried it sooner, so good. The other thing I wish I had found out sooner is the drawer at the back of the washing machine to put the powder in rather than throwing it all over the clothes. Only taken me 11 months to find it!

Extra blog update thingy. We have the visas! Woo hoo. And it was not just me that suffers at the hands of the Mozambique Embassy. We turned up with all our documents in hand. They take them no problem. There then was a little Japanese couple sitting there looking a bit bemused. Pam then got called up and told she had to cover her shoulders (that’s not a thin in Malawi, maybe in Moz though). The Japanese then ask a few questions. Then a poor Belgian woman turns up. First she had her confirmation letter on an iPod. No it has to be printed. Bank statement – she tried to show them all the money she had in her wallet to demonstrate how much money she had. Not accepted. And each time a new question was asked she left to talk to her husband. Pam and I wondered why he was not there. Because he had shorts on and was asked to leave! Eventually I was given a bill where I had to cross the road, pay it at the bank and then return to hand the receipt over. Done. No, come back at 3 o’clock to collect your passports. Wow. But we are all done and ready to go. See you on the other side.

Simples. Simples. Anything but!

And so people that was the week that was and there is not many left now!

Cyclist racing – 52

Number of people Pam had to treat – 1 – man with bust mouth and face.

Cyclist knocked off their bike by cars – 1 (surprised it wasn’t more)

People at the event – I reckon maybe a thousand people!

Score in the Netball – 52-4 (close game)

Length of the cycle course – 6 km

Girls that raced – 1 I think she deserves a mention as she was the only one.

Money raised – around 4 million Kwacha.

Amount of courses I had at Ryalls – 5. Starter of prawns, chicken satay, beef, salads. Main, lamb, Yorkshires, roasts, veg, gravy. Pudding, chocolate cake, banoffee pie, crème caramel. Cheese, er cheese, brie, gouda, port salut style something or other. Fresh fruit, pears, pineapple, strawberries. And then did finish with a coffee!

Time waiting in the Embassy – One hour for processing then 4 hours for the passports to be returned.

Funny Story...

Remember I told you we were getting a Excavator to help with rock breaking and sorting out the MDC site. Well it was delivered on Tuesday morning. By Tuesday lunch time my foreman came and found me asking for another 30 litres of diesel. I asked why (all diesel is monitored – in fact so are all screws everything is monitored) Well we need another excavator to pull the first one out. Yep in the space of a morning we had got it stuck.

One pulling the other out after much digger and squelching.

I then went to see the local utilities companies which are as useless out here as they are in the UK. On the way back, around 3pm I decided to check in on the site to see how excavation extraction was going. Well it was a kind of organised chaos. Made all the better by my MD turning up to have a look. Why the driver had driven in to the muddy river in the first place I do not know. Thankfully I spoke to my man who had taken the driver down to look at the mud before they drove down there to make sure it was safe – so he was covered.

The graveyard is quite close.

Anyway using the bucket, the shovel and a chain they eventually managed to pull the thing out. My MD said he was leaving now that it was safely out, which was thankful as he didn’t then see the driver try to cross back across the river about 5 minutes later and get it stuck again!

Our boggy river just as the excavator got stuck again.

 It was at that point I said bugger this and left. Not before my foreman told me he would have to spend some time tomorrow with the local chief due to the proximity of the mess we made to graveyard. I hasten to add that we did not destroy any graves....we were just quite close.

Proper stuck!

Crisis averted I left them to it. The rock breaker is doing a wonderful job of breaking rocks. It is much faster than a man with a hammer and a flame.

Thursday was rugby but rugby with a difference. Pam and Kate joined me. Not for the rugby more for the drinking games afterwards – which was very funny. Don’t tell anyone but Pam was a little hungover on Friday. But she only had to work on call till ten at night so it wasn’t too bad.

Saturday was the great Sandra cocktail party again. Can’t remember when the last entry was but this was more of the same – cocktails made with rough measures and a great time was had by all. I’d like to say we didn’t smash any more glasses, and I didn’t (I didn’t the first time either) but our party did and at 2 o’clock we got kicked out. How terrible I hear you cry……it was. 

I was very happy with my pink drink and umbrella!

But don’t worry our friend Brin was having a party and his was still going! We arrived to a fan fare of hellos and welcomes and hugs. And there we danced away until 5, when we decided to leave as bottles were being smashed and people were generally falling over.

Luckily Debbie and I had a hammock to catch us though.

Sunday was tough.

For those wondering the book survived.

Really tough.

Check out the glasses eh eh!

And Monday I finished the book. All done and dusted. Anyone who wants to read it should email me and I will send them a copy. I will only allow people to read it if they are going to make constructive criticisms.

And so today was my leaving lunch in work. Most people thought it was tomorrow including me, my QS, the MD in fact most people thought it was tomorrow so I am not sure how it ended up as today but it today.

I also feel like I owe you all an apology. Sorry. Yes I did promise last week that this would be the big summary of all things, but I just couldn’t do it to you. It didn’t feel right. The truth of the matter is that we still have over two weeks left. Two weeks – a lot can happen in those two weeks. For starters there is a crazy bike race on Saturday that I am in. Two we are going to Mozambique. So the revised and improved plan is this – blog on every Tuesday as per normal but, and I think you will like this, there will be an added blog on the very last day – I KNOW! How cool is that! Yep I will put a big ol’ summary blog on Thursday 14^th August. That way I can give you the very latest and uptodate summary possible.

I am so good to you people sometimes it makes my shoes run away!

STATMAN

Number of people watching two excavators mud wrestler – 10 workers, 4 managers and about 20 kids.

Amount of alcohol drunk this week – My mum reads this blog so I’m gonna go with 2 half lagers and a shandy.

Speeches I have made regarding leaving – 1

Speeches I will need to make regarding leaving – I think just 2 more

Presents I have received – 1

Presents I have yet to receive – loads….hopefully.

Price of the lodge in Mozambique – $65 per night

Price of the lodge next door - $450 per person per night.

Guess which lodge we are staying in! 

Final book word count - 103,897

Final Draft Number - 7

Shirtgate and the Beehive Cup

Sounds like a Harry Potter novel doesn’t it. No it is in fact our interdepartmental football competition.  Let me give you a little back ground on this. I have been building a football pitch since I arrived here. A couple of weeks ago our advisor told us we needed to do a lot more work before it is ready and I thought ‘I’ve been staring at this pitch for 11 months I am damn well going to play on it!’ So I told my team this is all the work you are going to do after I leave, but prior to that I want to stick up the posts and we are having a game of footy. Hence the Beehive Cup was born. Four teams, (Mother Teresa Children Centre, JPII college, Construction, Torrent Vehicle Hire) .

Two semi finals, a 3^rd place play off and a final. Done.

Well not quite, so the first issue was MTCC team. They wanted a strip. I said firmly that we weren’t buying strips for people as it would cost a lot. I checked with my team and was told we had a collection of red T-shirts. It was thought that some could play in shirts some in ‘skins’ if needed. This was not good enough as some people couldn’t get their shirts off?? I know right!? – So many questions.

The Players

Anyway we ignored the protests and carried on. Come the day of the competition my team produced a full strip of shirts with Beehive United written on the back. Brilliant! This is really gonna rile up the opposition. Especially when JPII suddenly produced there strip! Well I left Debbie to deal with the revolt from here team and tried to find out where our fourth team had got to. They had failed to emerge – along with the referee – I tell you trying to organise sporting competitions in the UK is bad enough in Africa it’s a nightmare.

But armed with my trusty bag and my scrabble tiles we did the draw for the semi finals – I just narrowly failed to secure Sky for the televised rites – and first up was JPII versus Construction.

A two fingered team talk - you know it's gotta to be good!

I rallied the troops, gave the team talk, found the ball, and we were off. Now to say that JPII where younger and fitter would be erm pretty accurate statement – they were a lot younger and a lot fitter. Luckily for us they were not better at football. We moved the ball left, we moved the ball right, dummies, one-twos, chips ahead and little layoffs! I tell you it was like watching Barcelona on the X-Box! And eventually our pressure told and we took the lead through a lovely move.

What I saw – A lovely through ball splitting the defence it two with a little dink and slick passing the ball was slide past the keeper.

What actually happened – the ball was hacked forward into the box where it ping ponged around quite a number of players until one managed to swing a leg in the general direction of the goal and it when in.

Sadly our lead didn’t last long and early in the second half a lobbed ball beat the offside trap (we weren’t playing offside so it wasn’t difficult) and their striker ran on and scored. And it stayed that way until full time.

Cue penalties. Four each. It was tense. The two teams lined up. Players stepped up to take shots. And our goal keeper stepped up to save them. Two to be precise meaning that Construction won the first game 1-1 (3-1 on Pens).

Praying over Bosco the goal keeper helped in the penalties!

Torrent plant had still not turned up so after a hasty discussion we decide to have a round robin completion and someone would have to work out a clever formula to decide a winner – not me!

The MTCC team was more of a unit than a team but they knew how to play football! So did the JPII keeper otherwise the score line would have been much worse than the 3 – 0 it finished. For me I was just glad that MTCC won which meant we could have a final and there would be no controversy and lynching over who won – they get very competitive out here.

The Final

I'd love to say this was a little dinked ball through but it is in fact a missed clearance.

I may be biased, but it was a good game. Construction stepped up to MTCC playing style and began to move the ball around with flair and attacking style – it didn’t work, we were so concerned with attacking we forgot about defending and were 2 – 0 down within 10 minutes. I decided to hang back a lot after that and yes there were some last ditch defending, a few slide tackles, I even took the ball out of the air off their strikers feet but it keep them at bay. And gave us the opportunity to claw one back. A free kick lobbed into the area missing everyone and into the goal – classy!

But the dream wasn’t to be – and despite the referee playing around 25 minutes of injury time – I think everyone was so glad to see a bit of interesting football – the game finished 2-1 and MTCC were crowned Beehive Champions.

I also lost the bottom of my shoe and completed the game with mismatched ones.

The MTCC supporters got a little anxious on the terraces.

But they needn't have worried.

I propose a 7s competition next week – see how they do at that!

Check out the shoes

The weekend was spent recovering – we had a lovely braai on Saturday, bit of music and chat and some alcohol may have been consumed.

Sunday – we went back to the restaurant that does Sunday roast – soo good. I had roast pork, roast potatoes, Yorkshire pudding, gravy. It was delicious. Then we moved to one of the posh hotels for pudding and coffee. Tough life.

One thing that was very funny this week was Wednesday night football – not to be confused with Monday night football. For those that don’t know Monday night football comes in two guises – one is Sky Sports showing the Premier League game that always takes place on a Monday night, and the other is a US station showing the Monday night NFL game that occurs on Monday night. No the Malawi Wednesday night football is a bunch of expats – older enough to know better but young enough to still play playing 5 aside football. So there we were charging up and down the court trying not to pull a muscle (we annihilated the opposition by the way!) when I get a wave and a shout from the gym that overlooks the court. The principle of JPII Brother Henry is on a cross trainer. Now don’t get me wrong he is not the kind of monk that wears a brown robe and is seen with a cart laden with red wine – but you still don’t expect to see monks in gyms do you – it’s just not done!

And so this week we have a new toy to play with. An excavator with a rock breaking attachment – I know! Does it GET any more exciting! I am wondering if I can have a play in it before I go.

The French Drain wasn't as successful as we'd hoped.

I am also trying to calculate blogs left. At some point I am going to have to do a summary of my time in Malawi. I kind of keep putting it off  - I mean how do you sum up the whole year in a blog post! I don’t know  - but I think it will have to be next weeks post. The week after we go on holiday to Mozambique – hopefully still not booked yet – and the week after that is home time!

R-L Ichabod, Aubrey, MPhatso, Bosco, Moi, Zowani, Mphidza
Pangani, Jean

Team with supporters

Our new piece of art.

And so that was the week that was. 

STATMAN

Players on each team - 9

Total Goals - 8 (+4 penalties)

Muscles pulled - at least 3

Kilometers run - 13.5

Team Average - 10.5

Number of last man ditch clearances by me in the final - 7

Number of people congratulating me on my defending - 4

MTCC Supporters - 378

Other Supporters  -12

Number of blogs left - 3

Number of days left - 23