I'm singing in the rain...

25^th November

 

And the rain rain rain came down down down. I wish I had put something out to see how much came down, but wow did it pour. I watched a wall of it come over the hill by our house. It then marched across the field next door and at one point it was raining four houses away but not at our house. And then the heavens opened. It only lasted 20 minutes of so but that was enough. We are not into full blown rainy season but we are at the start of it. All the farmers, which in Malawi is everyone, have been planting the maize in the fields, which in Malawi is anywhere there is soil.

 

The week did not start very well for me on the work front. One of my site managers had his finger ripped off by a 360 excavator. I was not there at the time and have asked my safety officer (who is little more than a storeman) for a full report. But by the sounds of it a truck was stuck in the mud and as the chain was being attached the driver was a bit too keen. He has lost the fourth finger of his right hand upto the first knuckle.  I am trying to implement new safety measures out here but it is difficult. I will not give up though.

 

Friday night we were invited to Pam’s consultants for a braai. We met some expats who knew all the other expats and were told about all the different parties and groups that hang out together and have been invited to another party next week. Not sure if we are going or no, it is fancy dress.

 

Pam had a good attempt at washing all our whites. Trying to remove the dust and yellow stains of deodorant. She succeeded in turning some of the whites pink. We are not quite sure how as all that was in the cleaned bucket was bleach and clothes. And the other mystery was some have gone all pink, some have pink splodges and some are untouched and are white – still with yellow stains. If anyone has any answers please feel free.

 

In order to get some peace and quiet we took a trip to Liwonde National Park this weekend. Staying in a thatched chalet on the banks of the Shire River. We took a game drive in the afternoon, with more expats who knew the expats from the previous night – it is all very insular here. We saw a big herd of water buffalo and lots of antelope type stuff. There were three big herds of elephants, but too far away in the river for us to get to. Pam made do with telling me all the different types of birds that were flying around. We also took a big detour on the way back and all we saw was the African Tree Squirrel. No-one had the heart to tell our guide that it looked very similar to the more common grey squirrel that are treated like vermin in the UK.

 

After a very nice communal three course meal we had a few drinks and then off to bed. Only I was woken up in the night by the number of Mosquitoes inside the net. Oh my life. I tried to ignore them but the damn things were buzzing in my ear. So Pam woke up to me jumping round the bed trying to kill as many as I could with the lamp on. Despite her protests she joined in until we got them all. Not before I, diving heroically to get a particularly evil looking mossie, managed to split my pyjama bottoms right up the crotch. Well naturally that made it all the more imperative to get them all!

 

The next day, having broken sleep, started at 5.45 for our canoe safari. We were informed that in the river there would be hippos and crocodiles. For those that know my recent history with rivers and canoes can understand that , and no joke here, for the first 45mins I was petrified and every time the bloody thing rocked I grabbed the edges. But eventually I grew to deal with it and manned up so that I could enjoy the birds, the ruddy big hippos a mere 10 metres away. Crocodiles that slithered into the water from the bank as we paddled past ( I say we, the guide in the front paddled and the boy who stood at the back poled).

 

We did see the elephants in the far far distance but the guide told us it was too dangerous in that area. The crocs were too big. But he either changed his mind or didn’t care as we paddled right up to them. When he suggested we could stretched our legs on the bank next to them the boy behind rattled off something to which our guide suggested we stayed in the boat. A good thing too as we then heard the sounds of an elephant eating a baobab tree. My confidence in the guide to a bit of a dive.  But we lived to tell the tale and I can say I managed to stay in the boat this time!

 

And so I have picked up my new bike. It needs a bit of tinkering, but I will soon be charging around the mountains of Malawi once more sweating my arse off!

 (This is the Wolf Spider that was in the house).

 

STATMAN

 

Amount of compensation for finger – 16,000MK ( about £30)

Number of Mosquitoes killed at 2am – 12

Number of bites Pam suffered – 24

Number of bites Christopher suffered - 5

Number of animals seen at Liwonde – 15

Elephants (biggest herd was around 50), hippos, crocodile, (bloody scary when they disappeared) buffalo, kudu, sable, impala, water buck, bush buck, yellow baboon, mongoose, warthog, monitor lizard, wolf spider and the African tree squirrel.

Number of birds seen at Liwonde – 30

                                                                                Canaries, pin-tailed whydah, blue waxbills, village weaver, marico sunbirds, greater blue-eared glossy starlings, tropical boubou, rock thrush, pied crows, southern ground hornbill, lilac breasted roller, pied kingfisher, giant kingfisher, ring necked doves, francolin, African fish eagle, brown snake eagle, guinea fowl, crowned plover, African jacana, spur winged goose, glossy ibis, African spoonbill, openbilled stork, cattle egret, little egret, great egret, squacco heron and reed cormorants. There were lots of LBJs as well. (Little brown jobbies).

Food glorious food

18^th November

 

 

So not much has happened this weekend. England lost the rugby and it’s still hot and sunny over here. Average daily temperature I would estimate at 35.

 

So I have decided to tell you all a little about the food over here, I don’t believe I have gone into it in any great depth.

 

On weekday evenings we have a man who cooks for us. Our meals can vary but the usual dishes are beef and rice, chicken and rice, chicken and chips and spaghetti bolognaise. The chicken is usually either stewed in tomatoes or bbq outside and the beef is always stewed. Every meal and I mean every meal is served with a side salad and usually a dish of cabbage or peas. This menu is quite westernised except for the fact that everything is cooked with about a litre of oil. Apparently it is a status thing. The richer you are the more oil you would use and as we are white our cook seems to think we would enjoy a lot of it. We are going to have a word with him. So that is weekday evenings.

 

In work I am given lunch at that is a bit more Malawian. On Tuesdays it’s chicken and rice, Wednesdays eggs and nsima (pronounced seema) and Thursday is beef and nsima (pictured).

How to describe nsima. So the way it is made is a start. Take maize and grind it into a flour. Take the flour and add water then boil in into oblivion until you can only just stir it. It is bland, white and kind of has the texture of play-dough. To be fair it is fairly inoffensive and with a good sauce I don’t mind it.

 

At the weekends we fend for ourselves so this weekend Pam and I cooked a roast for everyone – a bit of comfort food.  Including Yorkshires!

 

On the drink side Carlsberg is everywhere due to having a brewery here in Blantyre and is by far the most popular and cheapest drink. Malawi Gin and Malawi Vodka are apparently not bad but I am not a fan so couldn’t common. Lager is the only beer you can buy, there are no ales sadly. But you can get more expensive European and South African imports.

 

There is a traditional drink here called Chibuku. This is fermented maize that is served in a carton. It is also known as ‘Shake Shake’ as when you drink it you have to shake the carton to make sure all the lumpy bits are mixed in. Hmmm how to describe shake shake. Imagine you have eaten a bowl of cornflakes with way too much milk in it. Now imagine you’ve thrown that up into a carton. Then left it in the sun all day. Then you drank it! Yep that’s it. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m sure if you were brought up on the stuff it would taste nice. But I wasn’t. So it doesn’t. Minging would aptly describe it.

 

Stuff I have yet to try but are available over here are mice on sticks and tiny little minnow type fishes that look urm interesting. Also here is a man with a sack of potatoes on his back! ( I still can't work out why the blog reverts photos to the way they were taken even though the photo file has them vertical. Any geeks who know please let me know!)

 

The goat curry I had in the first week of being here was very nice.

 

As for take away food, there is no decent Chinese. The Indian restaurants (2) are apparently really nice, as are the French and Italian. We have only been to the Chinese. The take away pizza is also very good. McDonalds has not made it to Blantyre, neither has Burger King. KFC has but a meal will set you back 15 pounds. Yes you read that right 15 quid. As you can imagine we have not had one of those either.

 

STATMAN

 

Number of pages views for the blog – 1669

Number of average readers per week – 28 (I have tried to work out the most likely 28 but gave up)

Number of posts – 12 (including this one)

Number of countries being read in – 4 (UK, Germany, Malawi, and USA. Thank you to the person in Alaska who is reading as well!)

Two months......

12^th November 2013

 

So today is two months. Two months since we landed on these shores. Except Malawi doesn’t have shores, well it does but only to lakes not to the sea. But it does have a navy! That is just in case Tanzania invades.

Enough of this drivel I hear you say, what have you done this week. Well I shall tell you. Thursday we went to a leaving do at one of the lodges. I was bored one night and produced a music quiz which went down well, except there was not a Malawi round. But hey ho.

Friday night we went to the bonfire party. I had to explain to the Malawians in work who Guy Fawkes was and why we celebrate a failed attempt to blow up our politicians. We came to the consensus that in this day and age we should commiserate it instead. So the display was at Blantyre sports and social, where the upper echelons of Malawi society and ex pats hang out. We had a bonfire that they lit with a hefty amount of petrol, a guy who went up very nicely, and a bloke with a box of matches to light each firework. To be fair the fireworks were pretty good, even if the display was a bit stop start. The kids loved it as well, screaming each time one went off. I think it is fair to say that it was the first time I have been to bonfire night in shorts and a t-shirt though J

 

The only downfall was the fact that the security company were only there for security not for car parking. They told us quite a few times as we, and most others remonstrated with them whilst the entire car park was blocked in by each other. It was chaos. Some people trying to get taxis, they road in and out was blocked. We thought we needed at least three cars to move, until the owner of the steel work contractor showed up. He owned the twin cab 3.0l Toyota Hilux next to us. It is a massive car. So he says welcome to Malawi, jumped it in and squeezed it down the side of the fence and a guard house! Everyone stood and watched and said he won’t fit through there. But he did and he was gone. Right I said if he can get that tank through there I can fit our little Rav 4. Guess what.....Ha no I didn’t crash it I got it through and we got home.

Saturday came and Pam was working the whole weekend so I did what any good bloke should do and went to the pub to watch the rugby. This time I managed to find a bar with two TVs so I didn’t upset the locals. The Welsh contingent turned up with shirts and confidence....oh well.  Also I made a fatal error during the rugby. Our neighbour received a call from Martin (remember him the mad cyclist from last week) asking if I wanted to go on a bike ride on Sunday. I politely said sure, one of Pam’s colleagues had just bought a bike from him and was going to. I said come round whenever and we’ll go. I distinctly remember not say please show up at my door at 5.30!!!

Yep apparently 5.30 is the best time to go cycling as it’s not too hot.

So I woke up got dressed, we fixed my bike a bit making sure the brakes sort of worked and off we went.

Now you may need to look back a few posts to the very pretty picture of the landscape on the way to Majete. We went on that road, but ah ha, I thought this is the same as before and I asked if we were going down down down to only turn round and go up up up!

Yes was the answer so after 15km down I turned round and came back. Will (the muppet) wanted to keep going. All the way to the bottom, about 1500m drop. Then had to come back. I was safely in the pool at my house before they finished and I felt justified that someone else had fallen for Martin’s wily ways. He told me with great delight how he killed Will on the hills. To be fair I had try to warn him how fit and nuts Martin was. I guess he knows now.

 

And so onto Monday where I did very little. Bit of work and a bit of play. Oh I bought a new mountain bike as well. So for those that know it is a second hand, still good condition, Claude Butler hardtail MTB. Guess how much, a little under 60 quid. Bargain!

 

Today in work I have realised I don’t have enough money, people or skill sets to accomplish the stuff that the management want me to accomplish – bit like the UK really.

 

STATMAN

 

Firework display – 20 mins – not bad for here

Time spent waiting in carpark due to being blocked in – 30minutes – again not bad for here.

Number of times Pam was called up in the night – 3

Distance I cycled – 36km

Distance Martin and Will cycled – 80km (ha ha ha)

 

Time taken to upload the blog - 28 mins hence no pictures, I just not sure it could cope.

Rugby and beer (photo added)

due to it being Africa there will be no pictures until tomorrow. The internet in work has broken and so this is from home and pictures kill our costs. Thank you for your cooperation.

 

 

4^th November

 

New month. Another one down. Where to start this week. At first I thought there wouldn’t be much to talk about on this weeks postings because we had nothing organised. But of course something always crops up.

 

So last time we spoke I told you I was off cycling with Martin, who is one of the national coaches. Well as you are reading this I survived but only just. So Tuesday evening I went round to Martin’s house where he got changed and then suggested a gentle 10k ( he normally does 40 to 50 each morning). I stupidly agreed and so off we went, he with his very nice hard tailed mountain bike, me with my cobbled together bike I found in the shed. The seat is too low and I have since discovered the brakes don’t work – it seems to be a common theme out here!

So we start down a bumpy path, then down a dirt road, then down a concrete road, back to dirt again. You may have noticed the same thing I did after around twenty minutes. It was all down hill. Quite a steep hill. I politely enquired whether our 10k was a nice circular route? It was not. Martins plan was to turn round and cycle back up. This revelations was at the same time the cow walking back up the hill passed out, keeled over and died of exhaustion. No I’m not joking it genuinely did! Not to appear too ungrateful I agreed we would go to the next bridge and turn round.

Well I beat the cow. That is the only thing I can say. Martin calmly cycled up the hill chatting away, to problem at all. I wheezed half way up the hill ( yes Mum and Tina, I had my inhaler and no it didn’t help!) and then had to have a rest. At one point I had 3 year olds running alongside laughing at the poor azungu (white man) dying whilst trying to cycle up a hill. We also found a trail of blood which after the next bend we realised was the cow, now on a cart being pushed by a bunch of villagers. Spurned on by the thought of a similar fate, and also my pride which was taking a battering I decided I would cycle passed them. Which I did. Right around the corner where I promptly got off and pushed the thing!

When we eventually got home my shirt was soaking, it was about 28 deg I reckon when we went out. But I have also discovered that Mountain Bikes are much cheaper over here and may be investing if I can find out how much it is to get it flown back!

 

Wednesday was the last day for my architect Pamela, who is has gone from 38 degrees ( that was Sat) to the 8 degrees of Glasgow! So anyway she was leaving Wednesday and decided to having leaving drinks...as you do. One crate (20 bottles) of fanta, one of coke, and two of greens (Carlsberg). I had spoken to our foreman and asked him to come up with some pretence to hold the work force back and so at 4.30 Pamela turned up with the drinks. What she, and to be fair I, had expected was to put the crates down, everyone comes across and takes a drink and we all stand around and have a chat.

No. What happened was they were all sitting round in a giant circle. The crates were put in the middle with Pamela on a table and Vaida (HR) took a register inviting people to come up one at a time to take a drink. To make matters worse it turns out most of our work force either don’t drink or didn’t want to in front of the bosses. Fanta ran out first, then coke, and we had a full crate of greens left. It was intimated that some may have thought it a test to see who drank and then they would be fired. I swiftly step into the breach and had a beer to demonstrate this was not the case but to now avail. It was by far the single most awkward thing I have seen out here! I now know what not to do when I leave.

So Pamela is the one sitting on the bench and the construction team can be seen in the far distance. The guy in the yellow shirt was official bottle opener!

 

So Thursday some of Pam’s colleagues had organised a good old fashioned pub quiz. The teams had to be mixed due to a variety of nationalities, so Pam and I were split up.  Initial Pam’s team won, but then the MC forgot to award my team our bonus points so we won. Until we got the papers back and one of the other teams couldn’t added up and Pam’s team won...again.

 

And so onto Saturday. Well there was a rugby game. Australia and England. Now I have only found one Australian so far and she’s not that into sport, which is disappointing. Anyway Malawi and all Malawian sports bars are obsessed with English Football. They all support one of four teams; Arsenal, Chelsea, Liverpool and of course Man Utd. So we thought hmm best check if our local, which only has one TV, will show the rugby. Felix said of course as long as it doesn’t clash with his team Arsenal. It didn’t so at 4.00 four of us went to the bar. At 4.30 Felix turned over the Chelsea match even though it had 3 minutes left to go and the locals were not happy. I told him to turn it back until it was finished and then we settled in to watch England beat Australia. I also had to explain the rules of rugby to the 20 or so Malawians in the bar who had no idea what was going on. It also meant that we missed most of the Man U game, but the three goals were scored at half time in the rugby and so no-one really minded .

Sunday was spent recovering from Saturday as it has been a while since I have drunk and I decided to stay and bond with the locals. One who had a great affinity for tequila! A dip in the pool the next morning did wonders!

 

STATMAN

Rugby Score – Eng 20 – 13 Aus

No of Aussies that might read this – 1 Hello Jannette J

Actual Km cycled – 6

Number of Malawians that understood rugby after my explanation – 1

Number of Tequilas drank – 1 too many.

Science experiments conducted – 3. An empty coke bottle will fill up and the right itself  if placed in the pool.  The empty fanta bottle will fill up but then upend itself and float in the pool. And the three surface storm water drains where we live are not connected.