Guest writer.....

So for all of you out there who are bored to the back teeth with talk of netball courts, football pitches and solar panels, you have a guest writer this week. Yep, it’s Pam with news of things Malawian and medical. Groan for the non-medics.

Innocent

 

I’ve been spending my time in Malawi working as a Paediatric Registrar at Queen Elizabeth Central Hospital. This is attached to the Malawian College of Medicine and the Malawi-Liverpool Wellcome Trust so is pretty big and important (unlike me). It’s been a total trial by fire with very big highs and very deep lows as you can imagine.

 






 



Esther & Akuzike

I have been working in the Paediatric Department which is excellent. The staff are a mixture of Malawians and Ex-pats who work well together and form a very friendly and cohesive department. Paeds consists of 10 wards and I started in September on Paediatric Special Care. This cares for those 6m-16y with all manner of weird and wonderful conditions. There are the bread and butter malaria, typhoid, pneumonia and gastroenteritis but then come the odd and perplexing, and the textbook presentations of things you thought you’d never see. It was fascinating and chaotic; a total whirlwind that left me exhausted but wanting to absorb more knowledge. It was also infuriating and frustrating to see children dying of preventable diseases and when we did not have enough resources to save them.

Edina

Erick

 

Ndaziona

That takes me onto Moyo (Life) Ward, the malnutrition unit where I spent the rainy season. The frustration and heartbreak intensified with, on average one death of a child per day and a mortality rate of 30%. The ravaging interaction between HIV, TB and malnutrition are apparent here and it can feel like a losing battle. I had to bring my barriers close to not break down with every death and I’ve never had a tougher emotional challenge at work. But when the darkness is so absolute, the sun is all the brighter for it. The Malawian mothers and their children are loving and resilient. The beauty of watching a mother care selflessly for her incredibly sick child is intense and I cherish it.

 





Olive

I never thought I’d feel that Paediatric Oncology is an emotional break but that’s where I find myself now. I work on a ward with up to 30 patients, all suffering from various forms of cancer. There are the same conditions as in the UK (leukaemia, lymphoma, neuroblastoma, Wilm’s tumour etc) and then the African extras (Burkitt’s lymphoma, Kaposi Sarcoma). I had the privilege to be working for Professor Elizabeth Molyneux who is a legend and I am honoured to have worked with her.  Unfortunately she has had to return to the UK for a time but she has left me with a great Consultant, Dr Kicky Mittermayer, who has taken on the challenge of working in Prof’s shadow with grace and fortitude.

 

I’ve added some pictures of the kids at Queens who are so amazing and irrepressible.

 

Feston, Chisomo, Solomon & Innocent

A beautiful newborn babe on Chatinkha Nursery

Wizzy when he fell asleep on a bear

I know this is a little intense but I’m putting in a poem. I think you can take it after  9 months of Christopher’s ridiculousness. It gives a bit of insight into my feelings about our year in Malawi (on a good day). It was written in 1910 by Mary Gaunt in Sierra Leone.

 

The fascination Africa has always held for those who visit her shores has hitherto been the fascination of the mistress, never of the wife.

She held out no lure, for she was no courtesan. A man came to her in his eager youth, asking, praying that she would give him that which should make life good, and she trusted and opened her arms.

What she had to give she gave freely, generously, and there was no stint, no lack. And he took. Her charm he counted on as a matter of course, her tenderness was hid due, her passion his pleasure, but the fascination he barely admitted could not keep him.

Though she had given all, she had no rights and, when other desires called he left her, left her with words of pity that were an injury, of regret that were an insult.

But all this is changing.

Africa holds. The man who has known Africa longs for her.

In the sordid city street he remembers the might and loneliness of her forests, by the rippling brook he remembers the wide rivers rushing tumultuous from the lakes, in the night when on the roof the rain’s splashing drearily he remembers the mellow tropical nights, the sky of velvet far away, the stars like points of gold, the warm moonlight that with its deeper shadows made a fairer world.

Even the languor and the heat he longs for, the wide surf on yellow sand of the beaches, the thick jungle growth gently matted, rankly luxuriant, pulsating with the irrepressible life of the tropics.

All other places……. are tame.

 

STAT(WO)MAN (Christopher says I have to put this in):

Children in the Paediatric Department: 250-350

Kiddies I’m responsible for when on call: 250-350

Cuties on my ward: 25-35 (thank goodness)

Cockroaches on the wards: countless

Number of times I’ve been recognised out of work (“Dr Pam!””Azungu dokotala!”): 5

Cupboards organised (my anally retentive pleasure): 3

Ridiculous signs around the hospital: see last week’s blog

Robert

I saw the sign...

To be honest this week has been a bit dull. The car park canopy is structurally finished. Football field is ongoing. Pam still works at the hospital.

Two things I suppose happened that are worthy of a mention. We went to the local to watch the game and managed to find the only Italian Malawian. Not sure if it was on his mother or his fathers side as he was very drunk and could only remember the names of Pirlo and Balotelli which he took great delight in repeating constantly!

The second happened only yesterday when at lunch time Debbie sauntered along the path to nearly step on a snake. She, naturally, shrieked and ran away screaming snake to which John came trundling down. When John realised it was a black mamba he didn’t even flinch. He simply picked up a 6 foot piece of wood and proceeded to batter it to death from a safe distance.

Snake meet stick, stick meet snake.

Job Done.

So that was pretty much our week.

But don't worry. I have a treat in store for you. 

I have been hanging on to these for some time now, waiting for an opportune moment. I feel without much of a week, and now we are inside the two months, I think it is a good time.

When one is abroad you quite often see things that make you question, make you laugh or even make you wince. Yes it is all those ‘Lost in Translations’ items. We have been acquiring these for a while and now I would like to take you on a journey around Malawi in signs.

I will offer explanations where I can but some, well you just have to go with it.
To enlarge the photos just click on them.

Enjoy.

R and Ls are a challenge to Malawians!

Not funny, just nice.

Where Fozzie Bear parks his car.

PAM with her own sign. Yet to find Chris.

I nearly pooped myself.

And you thought horsemeat was controversial!

The world's shortest diversion?

Covering all bases.

Who said the German's had no sense of humour.

Always good to limit unnecessary travel costs.

No caption needed.

It's a washing powder....

They could have copied the bottle! Two Jeggabombs please.

Staph Aureous B.I.G.

This is our corner shop.....

Apparently Assembly of God is a religion. 

Janice's are everywhere out here! And Chinese!

We think this is supposed to be a 007 Martini but they came up short.

Told you - everywhere.

Damn it. Should have had someone standing in this photo!

Google Translate has a lot to answer for.

This is an actual Work Visa form for Botswana. (Pam and I won't be going).

STATMAN:

Hits taken to kill a black mamba - 5
Chance of a bite envenomating you - 80%
Time to die if envenomed - 2 - 8 hours
Amount of antivenom in Malawi - 0
Number of people that think envenomate is not a word - most.
Time taken to gather all these signs - 9 months
Personal favourite - Got to be Botswana - oh how we laughed.

Man it's cold.

I have been out here so long though that my internal temperature has broken. I asked my boss what he reckoned the temperature is as I am wearing a vest, a shirt, a jumper and on the way in to work a coat. He told me it was 17°C. I don’t believe him.

Brrrrrr!

Yesterday we had fog. This picture was taken at midday. Midday! I did not sign up for this. The two seasons we were told about we dry and wet. I coped with wet. I coped with dry. No-one said anything about cold and wet and misty! I can get that back in the UK.

Apologies. Rant over. Hope your weather is nice wherever you are reading this from ( I have a lot of international coverage don’t cha know!)

WARNING BORING BIT COMING UP

There have been complaints that the work I am doing is dull and no-one cares – well actually Anna doesn’t care so she can skip this bit to the fun section.

The French drain for the football pitch is complete. Woo Hoo. We can start marking out the proper pitch. I am a little disappointed that it wasn’t finished in time for the world cup but you can’t have everything. But the most important part of this is the drainage system. The football pitch is cut into the side of a mountain. As such we get a lot of ground water coming up and around so I devised a pipework system under the pitch which sticks out the embankment. The beauty of this is that it provides a good flow of mountain clean water for the local people, which is so much better than some of the water they are drinking. To be fair it is probably the most important contribution I have made out here, and in some respects it is the simplest.

Our solar canopy is almost, nearly, so close to being finished. The welding should be completed today. The crazy Dutchman (flying one’s brother) is wiring all the clever bits and pieces together and then hopefully next week we can install the panels.

FUN SECTION

The work at my other site is also progressing well we have installed another drain and are trying to work out how to pour a retaining wall in waterlogged ground.

Okay so I lied it was another boring bit but I like to keep it fresh!

MORE FUN

This weekend we went to Liwonde again. It is one of the safari camps just south of the lake. I tried to blag my way with a rhino man. They have a black rhino sanctuary there and I rang him up claiming I needed to do some research for my book but apparently he’s busy. I have to call him back. So watch this space!

Hippo munching on green stuff

We didn’t break down this time which was nice. Saturday morning we went in the car whilst wearing alllllllll our clothes as it was ridiculously cold. Saw loads of birds and elephants and some bush pigs which I have never seen before. A mongoose.

They even had muppets!

They can't see me, heh heh heh!

In the afternoon we took a boat out on the river and saw hungry hungry hippos. More elephants and more birds. Then had a massive roast buffet dinner in the evening. Chickens roasted over an open fire, with roast potatoes, veg, GRAVY!, oh it was good.  So so good.

DAD THIS BIT IS FOR YOU

Sunday night we were at a bit of a loose end so we thought sod it we will go to Grill 21. I had the 21 Grill House Fillet and man was it goooood. Top nomage! At our table we also had a flaming steak which was, erm , quiet flammable although Pam missed the big ball explosion thingy.

A flaming steak!

All the ladies at Grill 21

FOR THOSE THAT WANT TO KNOW ABOUT PAM

Yet again more complaints that there is not enough about my wife. I don’t know maybe I need to set up a complaints hotline!

Pam is still working at the hospital.

She still saves lives.

What more do you want!

RANDOM OTHER STUFF

We have seen these a few times but this time we decided to stop and take a photo. Yes it is exactly what it looks like. Mice on sticks. They are a tasty delicacy by all accounts. I wouldn’t know as I didn’t try it. No don’t get me wrong. I am all for trying new food. And I would quiet happily eat a mouse on a stick if I had seen it cooked and it looked hygienic then sure. But these – nuh uh. No way Jose.

awwwww

arghhhhh!

Urghhhh!

We also had great fun making Amie sit on the front of our game drive truck. The seat is designated for the tour guide so they can spot and look all-important etc – ours just drove the truck. But did let Amie site there on our return journey, and even as she wanted to get down kept driving. Sadly we don’t have a picture of the people’s faces as she flew past. Hilarious – guess you had to be there.

STATMAN

Clean water rate – 0.2 l/s (10 seconds to fill a 2 litre bottle for those that struggle with flow rates and maths.)

People who have used it – loads and loads and loads

Extra to take drain to a usable point – about 10 pounds – worth every penny.

Elephants seen – over 100

Birds seen – nearly 50 species – will update when I get list from pam.

Hippos seen – around 40

Steaks eaten this week – 3

Bottles of wine drunk this weekend – 4 (not all by me)

Cost of mice on sticks – it cost us 20p to take the photo. Didn’t ask about the price to buy it as they tend to think you want it and badger you forever!

Drama, drama, drama!

It has all been happening this week.

We have a new president. After all the posturing and palaver Peter Mutharika has been sworn in as the new President of Malawi. Congratulations Peter (just in case he’s reading!)

But I am getting ahead of myself. Far ahead of myself.

Work was quite quiet this week due to a slow cash flow and not many materials available. We decided to build a mock up for the solar panel which involved me and the American – Bill Washington – yes that is his real name – trapped in a scorching hot container trying to work out which way round a solar panel sits – the answer is the shiny side up!

On me 'ed son!

I also instructed my JCB driver to dig up the football much to the distress of the local children. I haven’t learnt the Chichewa for ‘I need to put the drainage runs in so that we can continue making the pitch bigger and better for you.’

Pam with some delightful children

The weekend was to be our trip to the Lake, and to be fair it was but that was when the drama started. We are cruising up in our convoy of two, until maybe some where past half way our convey became one. I looked in the mirror and saw nothing. I pulled over. I waited. Eventually we turned round and found the second car stopped on the side of the road. By this time a wonderful Irish lady called Gillian had stopped and was assisting. She owns a big ol’ Hillux that could pull a tank so we were dispatched with Smickey our local guide to find a rope. Every village for the next 20km claimed it’s market would have a rope, but none did. Eventually we came upon a police check point and after some negotiations managed to arrange to leave the car at their office – for a fee – and gain some rope. But by the time we returned to the vehicle a lorry driver had already provided some. We then left the car there and carried on to Cape MacLear arriving come two hours later than intended. We then had a beer or three.

Messing about on the lake

I would like to say the weekend passed uneventfully but oh well. Saturday was fun, we lounge, we shopped, we ate, then we took the boat out and swam and saw lots of birds.

A visitor in the shower

Sunday we did a bit more shopping then I had to pick up a man in the next town to do some surveying for Smickey on some land he has to turn into a lodge. Well the people on the land didn’t appreciate this and started a mini riot. Whereupon we scooped in the Land Registry man and drive out of dodge. The others had left earlier to go and get the car.

Saturday night live

Using telephone boxes to there full potential

Catching up with them on the road was hampered by all the ministers and diplomats travleeing to Blantyre for the inauguration of El President, so by the time we caught up with them joe had no brakes and no battery. I was driving a fourth car by this point as it needed to get back to Blantyre to, so cruised behind with my hazards on trying to warn idiot drivers there was a car being towed. Eventually we made it back, tired but alive!

Monday I spent reading my story. But I have read it that many times it is difficult to know what it sounds like anymore! Oh well.

That and we didn’t have any water. So I spent most of this morning tracing water pipes and trying to understand how our system works. I gave up and told the plumber to buy all that he needed to fix it!

And that people was the week that was.

Quick note I have updated the previous two posts with pictures of the football and the walk up Michiru.

STATMAN

Hours to get to Cape – 6 ½

Kids I taught to shuffle – 8

Paediatricians that got wee’d on – 2 (they were too keen to get involved with the babies)

Number of Smickey’s relatives we met – Millions (with the exchange rate that is about 30)

Birds seen on the lake – Fish Eagle, Pied Kingsfishers, Some sort of egret, a red breasted whatsitsname, and a trumpet hornbill. (I will look them up and tell you next week).

Times the rope came off the car during towing – 5

Time taken to get back to Blantyre – 5 hours

Aviva Premiership Final Scores – Northampton 24 Saracens 20  (Had to mention it somewhere!!!!)