Sit back, relax, and enjoy the wildlife!

Into the second week of the parents visit to the current motherland of Malawi.

When we were wondering where we would (7 word alliteration) take Mum and Dad for their day trips we thought what could be a better example of the untamed rugged landscape of Africa that than afternoon tea on a tea estate. Okay so it is more colonial African than untamed Africa but it was jolly nice anyway. We stopped off at Game Haven on the way, a nice game park and country club (we know how Mum and Dad roll!) for a spot of morning coffee. Had a nice chat with owner ( I play rugby with him) and had a stroll around the estate seeing what animals we could see – Impala, Eland and a few birds.

Then we arrived at Satemwa – we had been here previously but thought it was so nice we would return. And so we indulged in an afternoon of sitting down drinking tea, eating triangular sandwiches, truffles, tarts, cake and of course the seasonal hot cross bun. 

Could Dad be any more laid back?

But to maintain a healthy lifestyle we did embark on some light exercise in the form of none other than croquet. I tell you all we needed was some union jack bunting and a bit of morris dancing and we could have been in a village in the English countryside….apart from the weather.

Men watching balls.

It was an absorbing encounter with momentum swinging first one way then the other and eventually after a hard fought, and not always legal, battle I am glad to announce that the team of Dawson\Dawson won. Second place were Dawson\Dawson.

There may also have been some strolling around the garden! But, and in a massive improvement from last time, the staff also provided us with some anti-bug spray and we came in trousers (well I did) and so, while we ate to our hearts content, the Thylo flies did not!

Suitably rested and relaxed Wednesday we embarked on the trip oop north to the Lakeside resort of Makokola Retreat.

Our little cottage at the beach.

Well what can one say. I have been to Brighton, I have been to Scarborough, but this, this was way up there.

No caption needed.

We arrived in time for lunch and then the first afternoon was terrible. We sat on the beach with nothing to do but relax and read our books and enjoy the food and drink. This was disturbed only by the occasional dip in the pool, a crystal clear 30m pool.

Beach - check. Pool - check. Bar - check. Sun -check!

Not content with our punishment we decided to repeat the routine on Thursday as well, only this time we watched the fish eagles feeding, and the Kingfishers fishing.

Me in the foreground, Dad in the background.

Each night the bar staff moved the restaurant to different areas of the lodge, the veranda, the beach, and we would sit and eat our food and count the number of fishing boats with their lights on in the darkness.

The lights behind the palm leaf are fishing boats out on the lake.

Friday Mum, Dad and I decided to be extremely energetic and play golf! A little nine hole course round the corner. We were met at the office by the manager and were offered a range of clubs to use – some were even recognisable as golf clubs! It was not the best selection but they were serviceable.

Purchasing balls and tees was our next hurdle – we only had around 10 balls to choose from and about 5 tees. 5 balls and 2 tees were purchased – it was a par 3 course what could possible go wrong!

Well one we hadn’t factored into the equation Dad’s ability to hit ball and tee. First tee shot – first tee lost.

Note the large pond behind.

The course itself had challenges as well – mostly in the form of fairways that would count as deep rough on most other courses and a lot of water. Our caddies earned their fee just by combing through the undergrowth find our scattered balls and we were fine until the 7^th where I delicately laid up into a pond and Dad aggressively drove for the green only to fall short…into the pond.

The 8^th was even more hazardous. With so much water around it was inevitable.

He lived in it!

Crocodile negotiated and hole boggied we finished up and returned to the safety of the Lodge.

Not content with golf I decided that I would take advantage of the water equipment on offer. Pam and I went out in a giant pedalo tricycle thing – which looked way more fun than it actually was, our knees banged on the steering bar so we opted for a little sea canoe thing – or should that be lake canoe!

A damn sight easier than the pedalo!

The following day Pam decided she wanted to have a go at golf and so we returned to the scene of the crime and she played a full round – except the water bits where I may have helped out. BUT, but, on the 8^th, there was no croc this time, she decided to go for it. Tee shot straight across the water, bounced off a drain cover. Second shot lovely little run up onto the green for a two putt – 4 on a par 3 for her first ever game of golf – not bad!

You only live once and when I saw this on the available things to do, well you just have to don’t you.

Just like in the movies.....

Water skiing. It took me a while to get the hang of standing up but once up I was away. Up and down the beach – that was until my arms and back began to burn with the strain – at which point I decided to start trying stuff out on the basis that if I fell off at least I would get a break. Waving and jumping over the wash was the highlights! And it is another one off the list of things done.

Hiya!

Sunday was a day of driving – first we cruised up to Mua Mission for a quick look at the carvings and masks and had a quick drink. Then we continued up (first time up) the good ol’ S127 to Dedza pottery to have lunch and to a bit more shopping before the long drag back to Blantyre.

Yesterday was a bit of a spare day so Dad and I decided to continue the theme and play a round of golf at Blantyre sports club. It is known locally (at least to the bloke in the coffee shop) as the goat track and you can see why. Up and down, down and up. A lot of the holes play across the pretty rank stream that runs through the course. So much so that some of the holes you are driving blind over huge trees to a sloping fairway on the other side that you cannot see. But it was a good way to spend the morning and we only had to avoid monkeys on this course!

 A few more shopping trips completed in the afternoon and that pretty much rounds of the parents trip. We are taking them out for a last meal tonight before they continue their hols tomorrow with the onward journey to Zimbabwe and Victoria Falls. We drop back into the mundane living and working in Africa! J

STATMAN

Number of balls lost – 7 (3 in Makokola, 4 Blantyre)

Best score – I managed three pars on BT course. Pam’s bogey on the 8^th was by far the best of any of us (considering it was her first game!)

Crocodiles on Mak Course – 5 (only 1 seen)

Kingfishers seen – well over 10

Fish Eagles seen – 5

Photos Mum took before getting one of a woman with a pot on her head – at least 30

Times Dad said ‘there’s one’ as we drove past said woman with pot on her head, too late for Mum to photograph – at least 30

Times it took me to stand up skiing – 3 (up on the 3^rd)

Subsequent times I fell in – 1

Muscles that ached on Monday – more than I knew I had!!! My back was almost frozen.

Kuche Kuche’s Dad drank – enough – so much so that the waiter offered him one at breakfast!

Water, water,

Everywhere but not a drop to drink. Never a truer word spoken. Through a combination of Blantyre Water Board and our own bore hole pump breaking down we have had no water now for five days. That is apart from the swimming pool. We are using the hot water as sparingly as possible but it is proving exceptionally annoying as we are not really set up for not having water. No large containers and no real place to go and collect any from. It is a good job we are going on holiday tomorrow. 

Tuesday and Wednesday were spent trying to resolve the canopy saga. We are getting there albeit slowly, but I am hoping to have the solar system up and running before I leave. Wow how arrogant am I – in four months time I will have created a new solar system – no what I actually meant is the 120 solar panels we are trying to install, but I am sure you all knew that. 

Wednesday arrived and so did Mum and Dad! Woo Hoo and they were laden with cheese, chocolate, wine and British newspapers!! Even if they are a week old it is so nice reading a proper paper. Everyone in our volunteer village is very excited and some are already doing the rounds (paper rounds geddit!). 

Settled into the lodge with the somewhat eccentric French bloke we began their adventure.

Thursday was work and Blantyre, although I had forgotten that the childrens centre were on a training day and was therefore shut. Not to worry, we investigated the construction side of everything, which let’s be honest is much more exciting. Then we went for a walk round the shops of Blantyre – both of them ha ha. No, we did do quite a bit of the city then on to one of my favourite haunts – La Caverna – for a well-deserved coffee. Thursday was rounded off with rugby and a few drinks – just me, Mum and Dad don’t play rugby, they are more spectators. 

Friday came along with Jack. So Jack is the dog that we rescued from deaths door and her owner was travelling with the most of Blantyre and the rest of our little compound to Cape McClear for the weekend. So we dog proofed the house and then Majete was next on the list and after dropping Pam off in work we set off down the Chilaka road. But it being Good Friday hadn’t taken into account the number of churches and church processions that would be blocking the road. We were ushered passed them by the police. It then got worst when we came across a police block. The officer stood in the middle of the road and stopped us and the car in front. He then, using the aid of his arms waved us towards the hills in the far distance, indicating we needed to go all the way round. Either it was an accident or another church thing had shut the only road. So the car in front, and us, turned off up this dodgy dirt track. The car in front thought better of it, but I with my Jeremy Clarkson hat on carried out as it got narrower and steeper and steeper and narrower. Eventually, with no clear idea of where we were going, we valiantly gave up and turned round. 

 

The road that defeated us (Note Dad did not get out)

 

Where, upon returning to the tarmac road some forty minutes later watched a car drive past us up to the road block and then got waved through. Eh? I then drove up to the waiting policeman where the conversation went something like;

‘There you are, I wondered where you were going.’

‘What? I thought you shut the road and were diverting us round?’

‘No I just wanted to check your license.’

‘CENSORED’

 

Our 'diversion'. The tarmac is by the blue house.

 

So Mum and Dad got to see a little more of the wilderness that is rural Malawi. And when we did get to Majete we saw Kudu, Impala, Waterbuck, Bush buck, warthogs, hippos and an elephant that I very nearly drove into. Don’t ask how you manage to not see an elephant, they can be deceptively quiet and stealthy when they want to be.

 

Butter wouldn't melt my arse! note the long lead where she was tied to next doors window.

 

On returning to the house I discovered it was not as ‘Jack Proof’ as I thought. I had forgotten to remove the DVD collection. Luckily the boxes, for the most part, held up to the abuse. Sadly one disc did fall victim to puncture wounds and is now in the DVD player in the sky – but we had already watched it. Saturday we spent around our compound trying to tire the dog out. It didn’t really work – being a 6 month old puppy means you have a lot of energy. The locals also think it is hilarious when a white person takes a dog on a lead for a run – almost as funny as when you turn a corner to find some local stray dogs there and prepared to defend their territory causing the said dog to bolt dragging its unfortunate keeper along with it.

Saturday night we went out and painted the town with a trip to the local jazz bar. It’s not really jazz and it’s not just a bar but we got the best of both worlds with the live local band on stage at one end and match of the day on the tv screen just by us. Happy days. I even recognised some of the Malawi songs they were playing!

 

Easter display of Guliwamkulu at Zomba - nice weather

 

Sunday came and the weather, which up until then had been good, went. Fourth time to Zomba and the fourth time it rained and we saw nothing. Well we saw my boss and his family but that wasn’t really what we were after. But once more mum and dad got to see a little bit more of Malawi life and the countryside. And the road system! Sunday they also moved hotels into the very posh and nice Mount Soche where we left them on Monday to relax and sit by the pool watching all the Malawian weddings come passed for their photos, then we were supposed to take them to our favourite restaurant in Blantyre – L’Hostaria – but either because it was bank holiday Monday or just every Monday it was shut. But we have possible found our new favourite restaurant in Blantyre in the form of Casa Mia. Very very nice steaks.

Shortly Pam and I will be testing out how nice the Mount Soche is when we go and use the shower, unless the water miraculously comes back on in the next half an hour. Can’t see it personally but you never know.

This week will be mostly spent sitting on a beach, playing golf and trying my hand at water skiing.

Tune in next week to hear how badly I smashed my face into the water at a pathetic 15 mph!

STATMAN

 

How silly I felt having found out the diversion was anything but – 8/10

Number of restaurants visited since M&D have arrived – 6

Papers I have read – 3

Crosswords completed – 0

Crosswords attempted – 2 (one is cryptic to be fair)

Magazines received – 8 (Mum’s bag was definitely over the weight limit)

Road trips taken – 2

Number of bands seen – 2 (one at the jazz bar and the Harry Krishnas(sp) at the airport on arrival. Very weird)

Going, going, gone.

Wow, a lot has happened this week and I am bound to forget something but that’s okay.

I would like to set the record straight that I am not Luke, and I am not five and my dad does not drive me around in his JCB. In fact I can drive myself round.

One of the perks of being the boss is you get to do what you want, and one of the perks of being in Malawi is that health and safety is a nice idea but…..and so on Tuesday I got to drive the JCB. I even did some work in it. Digging up soil and taking it to the workers on the netball court. My apologies to Anton all those years ago not letting you drive one on the UK site, but if you can get yourself over here before August then you are more than welcome!

Me driving a JCB

Me sitting in the JCB with my instructor Jacob!

Work is going well; we are hitting quite a few milestones. Netball seats being finished being one of them. Still having a bit of a nightmare with the solar panel canopy but we have a plan.

The netball steps - we built the retaining wall and all the drainage as well - by hand!

Speaking of nightmares and work lets jump to Thursday. In Malawi you cannot buy concrete. Or if you can there are very limited companies that do it and most of the wagons are used on Government jobs – they have more influence than us. So when we need to make concrete we have to go and buy cement bags from Lafarge. Here is the process that I need to undertake for the purchase (this is for all purchases on site by the way hence why it takes sooooooo long to buy anything).

Sign a requisition for 300 bags (we can only buy 25kg bags)

My stores lady gets a quote from the shop because one over the phone is not accepted if prices change, and they change day to day. This involves her driving into town to speak to all our suppliers and shops.

Once we know the price we have to raise a cheque from the finance department, require head of finance and MD signature.

If it is a large amount the cheque is made straight to the company i.e. Lafarge, otherwise many items are put on the cheque which is then taken to the bank which is then cashed.

Once we have the cheque Lafarge are then notified we are coming, we issue the truck reg number then send the drive the night before to queue up to collect in the morning – cement is that sort after.

Cement, all 300 bags is then delivered to us the next day.

Simples!

So having completed steps 1-4 you can imagine my frustration when the lorry we use has a tear in the tyre – 300 bags at 25kg is a hefty weight and could easily rip the thing apart. Just change it I hear you say – ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. We don’t have a spare tyre that punctured two weeks ago. I spent most of Thursday afternoon ringing round our plant division trying to source another lorry. Eventually we found the low loader was free and with some tarp and rope we could use this. Problem solved I hear you say – ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. They have no diesel. I then have to sign the internal requisition to release 80 litres of diesel which is put in a drum and driven around to the plant hire place to fill the truck to allow him to go to Lafarge so the next day we can have 300 bags.

Efficiency at its best. Unsurprisingly I didn’t have the truck of the energy to go to rugby, which meant I actually got an early night and a lot of work done on Friday. Then came the fateful words – fancy a quick drink after work. Why not I say.

Well one lead to two, two to three – you get the maths. When Pam rang at 10 we were on our last round. When I crept in at 3 she was fast asleep. To be fair I was up at 7.30 the next morning to help with the sticking and pasting of all the things for her charity auction ball that night – it was the two helpers that let me down. One surfaced at 1 the other only in time to go to the event at 7. Which I got the blame for.

And I have to say Pam and the committee – given only two weeks to organise it – pulled it out of the bag! It was a ball to launch the Paediatric and Child Health Association of Malawi. Within two weeks they had organised the hotel, menus, auction prizes, sold over 80 tickets, printed programmes and descriptions of prizes and information leaflets about the association. 

The tables were laid with pictures drawn by hospital children and children from the Beehive Children Centre

They evening was a great success with two personal highlights. 

The first auction for the little prizes was done in an interesting fashion – it was timed and anyone could donate what they liked but whoever has the last bid at the end of the time wins the lot – everyone has to put the money in as well. So I sat behind a drum kit with a list of secret times and when they ran out banged the symbol. It was hilarious, people were desperate to win some items, but it also meant that some of the guest who would not be able to afford the prizes at normal auction rates picked them up for a bargain!

The auction prizes including the bike. Each coloured voucher in front of the picture is a meal or accommodation

The second highlight was me having to ride the bike into the dining room – but I survived!

And I got to bed earlier that night at 2.30!

One of the consultants demonstrated child and neonatal recusitation.

Sunday was spent in a local lodge drinking coffee and watching Liverpool beat Man City!

And due to the imminent arrival of my parents I have worked Monday so I can sneak Thursday off – everyone is off Friday anyway so it kind of works the same!

The other thing that has gone again is the water. So my shower this morning consisted of standing under the hot water as it comes out freezing, get as wet as possible before it gets too hot. Then lathering up with the shower off then jumping back in hoping not to scold myself (when the water is off we have whatever is left in the geyser on the roof - the drawback is it is very very hot!)

And that was the week that was!

STATMAN

Levers in the JCB – 7

Levers played with – 5

Cost of 300 bags of cement – 1.5 million Kwacha

Number of requisitions I sign a day – 20+

Money raised at the auction – 880,000 Kwacha

Price the bike went for – 120,000 (I like to think I had something to do with that)

 Number of days until parents arrive – 1 (they arrive tomorrow)

Number of days they are here – 14 ( I think…..??)

Questions, questions, questions.

In the words of Adele rumour has it I am supposed to have a legal disclaimer on anything I write so that people don’t get it confused with proper commentary on sensible things – personally I think anyone daft enough to confuse this with proper commentary deserves a slap but there we go, and here I go...

I hereby state that anything you have read, are reading, or are going to read on this blog is my own opinion (unless someone has hacked in and said a load of stuff that I didn’t write) and in no-way reflects the views or opinions of anyone else (unless there is a direct quote in here from someone) especially the charity Krizevac, the Malawi Government, the British Government, the US Government (best get them in there as they kick up a fuss about everything and are monitoring all lines of communication), and Google (it’s their blog site and I bet they pay their lawyers a fair wedge!).

Boom. Watertight. That will stand up in court no problem!

And after that legal interlude on with the show.

The first question I asked this week on my first morning back after holiday was to do with the incorrect installation of some support posts that were installed in my absence. To be fair I think it may have been partly my fault for not leaving accurate enough instructions, but that is just another thing that you have to be party to here.

Each of these posts are slightly out of position...

Tuesdays frustrations were taken out in the evening through my now weekly five-a-side football game at one of the local private schools. The rest of the week was spent trying to work out how to repair the problems at work but I think we have a plan now.

Also we are very close to finishing the stand at the netball court which will be a big milestone in the work I am doing out here.

We have a new arrival. She arrived on Wednesday and is another one that works on the other side of the site to me, so I am still the only white person in the construction team. Lindsay is here to be a child care trainer and we have already introduced her to the local bottle store (pub) the games we love such as beans, bananagrams and uno. I think she will fit in just fine.

The Liquor Garden

Thursday was rugby but with a twist. The twist was we didn’t just play rugby and drink beer. On no. We played rugby, drank beer, sang some songs, went onto a pub and then onto a nightclub. There are only two night clubs in Blantyre and this was one of them. To be fair it was better than I was expecting. A long oblong room with a bar at one end and a DJ booth at the other. I even reconginsed some of the songs, but that was mostly because they were western tunes! All in all it was a good night.

Friday came and went and with it came the rest of the questions. Mostly in the form of a good old fashion pub quiz. Held at the local sports club it is fair to say that it was mostly white people attending but a few Malawians did turn up. We did okay on most of the rounds but being that the quiz was organised by the Wildlife Society they were quite picky when it came down to naming the animal picture round. We got a lot of half marks there.

We came 7^th out of 17 and most importantly beat the team we went with – this also meant we won a prize of two crates of beer. A well earned prize indeed.

Upon leaving the quiz we were also faced with more questions. No we were not so drunk we couldn’t find the car. What we did find though was a grass hopper on the top of our car that Pam spent around 5 minutes photographing – it was posing and everything.  We all jumped in the car and that was when I asked the most revealing question of all...

‘Do we have seat covers?’

Now you may not think this is a revealing question but when you have four people sitting in a car that is the same model as yours, looks like yours, you do question why it has seat covers when your car doesn’t. Yep penny dropped we had let ourselves into someone else’s car. I have never seen four people exit a car quite so quickly. What we had also failed to spot was that, despite taking pictures of it, their roof does not have a roof rack!

We quickly re locked the car (our key worked we didn’t break in) and jumped in our own car to high tail it out of there before anyone could report us!

Saturday Pam was in work and so I took the opportunity to use the hospital network to impart information to my parents regarding what to bring out – mostly cheese. Then we had a late lunch.

Sunday was spent in more frustration by the fact that we had no water or electricity for the entire day. Sometimes it is nice to be reminded that we do live in a relatively primitive country. Still piggin annoying though.

This is not the grasshopper but it is weird!

I need to pause here and mention something about Pam’s week. It has been special in every sense of the word.

So Wednesday night Pam decided to go to bed with a glass of water. No big deal until after we had turned the light off and she placed her kindle down there was a tinkle and a splash. Don’t panic the kindle is alright but there was water everywhere. So we got up, tidied up and then went back to bed. Where Pam went one better on replacing her kindle and knocked the glass off. We have concrete floors and guess what  - the glass lost. So up we got again and tidied up.

Then Sunday she decided one glass was not enough and picked up another with wet hands. Guess what - concrete floor 2 glasses 0.

Not content with glasses she decided to try and break herself. So our khonde has a concrete ledge about a foot high. Pam tripped on the drain and landed shin on one leg and knee on the other right on the corner. Wow I thought she had broken her leg the size of the egg that came up. But with peas and gin to the rescue she has recovered.

And then that leaves with today. I got back into full swing of writing although I think it was fair to say that I am currently rearranging the book rather than rewriting. I will then I have to go back through it to make sure it makes sense and then another check to make sure it is top notch. All in all we are getting there. I am hoping to have the final final draft done by the time I leave here.

Me with a full on man of the wilds beard! Grrr

A little something I saw for Graham Smith.

And that, people, was the week that was.

STATMAN

Number of cuts pam got from broken glass – 2

Number of bruises – 4 (including khonde trouble)

Number of posts that need to move – 5 (all)

Weeks of beard growth – about 6

Time I got in on Friday morning – 3am

How long it took us to realise we were in the wrong car – about 10 minutes

Points we scored in the quiz – 74/100

Best answer – Guessing that the only Malawian singer I have heard of was the right answer for the name of some backing group – Lucius Banda

Number of beers we have won - 20

Back to Blantyre with a bang

Tina stayed in our little compound for the remainder of her time. Tuesday I was dragged round all the shops that the city possesses but then was dragged to Bombay palace in the evening which is a lovely Indian restaurant so I didn’t complain too much at that.

Wednesday I decided to avoid being dragged round the remaining shops in Blantyre so Pam and Momma T had a day to themselves. I stayed home and tried to get my head round the fifth draft of my novel while the ladies went to the hospital – no don’t worry neither was injured. It was more to see where Pam has been working for the last seven months ( I know time flies!).

Wednesday night we decided to go for a real treat and that was to our favourite restaurant out here L’Hostaria. A very nice Italian. And it was top nommage. And we sampled some more delicious food from their menu and more delicious wine from their cellar.

No don’t get me wrong, there is not a theme developing here but Thursday we went for afternoon tea at a very lovely tea estate called Satemwa. We were shown round a very nice house, built in an Italian style because the original owner’s wife was from Tuscany and felt home sick. It is still a working tea and coffee estate.

The house, the croquet lawn and our little party on the left

So the afternoon was spent eating sandwiches, little cakes, big chocolate cakes and scones with cream and jam. But don’t worry we burnt off all those calories with a vigorous game of croquet and a stroll around the garden.

Mini cakes and truffles

Tea, sandwiches, chocolate cake and scones

Our exercise also continued with scratching due to the presents of the delightful little bug called a Thyolo (pronounced Cholo) fly. Wow do those buggers bite and man do they itch afterwards. All of us were seen to be scratching like a dog with fleas!

Friday we said goodbye to Pam’s mum. Luckily the Airport was open and we didn’t have to make the 8 hour round trip to Lilongwe as suspected.  Then we were invited to our neighbours for a cocktail party.

We did have instructions for said drinks but our host thought they were more like guidelines! I lost count how many drinks I had but I know there was some delicious ones and some not so delicious ones – don’t worry they all got drunk – the drinks not the people – well maybe the people as well.

Saturday was a lazy day lying by the pool thinking of all the food we didn’t have but wanted to eat – the list was long but not exhaustive!

Sunday we said goodbye to our neighbours – well actually that was this morning (tues) but we had a big ol’ party for them with guess what! Yep more food, there was flapjacks, popcorn, sausages, pasta salad, chicken, bread, doughnuts, beer, wine and probably loads of stuff that I have missed out. So yes after 7 months Helen and Thia have left, it will be a lot quieter around the place, which will be both good and bad – but such is the transient nature of the adventure we have embarked on. It is actually true of a lot of the people you meet in the city as well. We can be broken down into those who are here for a limited time and those who have moved out here permanently or live here. I suppose it is what gives Blantyre the community it does.

The Garden at Satemwa

Monday was once more into the breach as I tried to rearrange my brain to accommodate past and present tense integrated in a succinct and readable style. We shall have to wait to see if it is a success.

This little fella was seen on Sunday morning

And then that brings us to today. Not a great day I’ll be honest. Most of the work that has been done whilst I was on holiday is erm wrong and so we need to put right. And on top of that I have forgotten to bring in my memory stick to work so there are no photos. Question is do I publish tonight or publish tomorrow morning. I think it better to wait till tomorrow, give you the full hit. I’ll post a temporary notice up tonight – a tease - apologies I didn't.

 STATMAN

Food eaten at Satemwa per person - 4 sandwiches, 2 Truffles and 1 of each of the following, scone, chocolate cake, passion fruit tart, almond slice, sponge cone, cinnamon whirl - I think that is it.

Number of bites - I counted 23 between ankle and knee on both legs
Itching lasts - 1 week
Types of alcohol drunk at neighbours - 10 -champagne, vodka, rum, amarula, wine, malibu, galliano, gin, triple sec and raspberry liqueur.
Goals scored at footy tuesday night - oh at least 15!!
Days Tina stayed - 14
Days till my parent arrive - 15