Tyres tyres tyres

And so we continue, more to the point we continued on to Nkata Bay and more specifically Mayoka Village (which is a lodge not a village). What can I day about Nkata Bay. Well it is Malawi’s second busiest port – that means it has a ferry and a jetty!

This is the M5 at 2 in the afternoon - very busy. Dream on UK!

Mayoka village is a lovely place, and if any of you are fortunate enough to come through northern Malawi I would recommend it. It is maybe twenty huts built into the side of a hill that slopes down to the Lake. A word of caution though there are a lot of steps. In fact you cannot get anywhere around the lodge without having to go up and down some serious steps. 

Steps - see how serious they are. Hmm. Very serious, none of that tom foolery here!

Our house was near the top but you had to descend all the way down to get to the beach. And by beach I mean rock shore where there are steps for you to walk down into the Lake. But the water is cool and blue and the food was amazing! It was a very relaxing time where in the four days we left only twice. Once to go for a wonder around the town, and take in a game of football. It looked like a relatively serious game with the referee and linesman in very nice yellow and black uniforms with their socks pulled up, but the pitch left something to be desired – mostly grass and white lines – and half the players didn’t have boots. But the whites where winning 3-0 against the greens when we left.

Our house - the path to the left has a 15ft drop on the left. That was the route to Pam and My front door. We let Tina use the safer one in front. 

We also did some snorkelling – well I did, Pam doesn't like to know what is underneath her in the open waters. And we ventured in a canoe. A proper Canadian one and everything. Luckily the Lake wasn't in flood and we hadn't packed it to the gunnels so we didn't capsize and we didn't fall in! No instead we took an very leisurely and pleasant cruise around the little bay we were in looking into the reeds where we could see Pygmy Kingfishers that bobbed up and down, Weaver birds with their nest. Upon completion of the reed section we moved onto the rocks and wooded section to watch the Vervet Monkeys jumping up and down and playing. It was a very pleasant afternoon.

What is also particularly nice about Mayoka is that it is run by the people who built it so it is not some foreign person who has come in with money to make a back packers lodge. It is a cooperative. They also serve tea and biscuits every afternoon at 4 for anyone who wants it. Very civilised, especially when they provide Earl Grey. As you can imagine Momma T, Pam and myself made particular use of this.

The only slight downside was the amount of young people (how old am I!!) doing gap years ( I hear it’s the in thing now!) and as you can imagine put all these teenagers together eager to tell each other how far they have been, throw in a handful of Americans and it did get quite noisy in the bar whilst we were relaxing for the afternoon. But they did provide us with some entertainment when they attempted the Mayoka Challenge.

Mayoka Challenge – for two people to paddle a dug out canoe around the platform in the lake (maybe 100yds out) and back again without falling in and you get a free nights accommodation.

Said platform with a very handsome chap sitting on it!

So two American girls decide to take one dug out (remember back to October somewhere when I nearly crippled myself in a giant log shaped death trap – yep it’s one of those) and they struggled but got round and back. She ran up to the bar eager to claim her prize whereupon she is told that it is a ‘specific’ dugout that they have to do it in. Undeterred they say bring it on. Well it may not have been rigged but it was the closest thing to it. This thing was so small and narrow that these two girls struggled to get in it let alone paddle the thing. After three attempts and not going very far they gave up and the next challengers step up – to much the same results. It was very funny to watch.

I also replaced my flip flops from a curio shop. Check out these bad boys made by Pirrelli or Goodyear. Who knows. And little did I know that this was just the begin of our tyre adventure!

Flip flops from tyres - as painful as they look!

And so that was Mayoka, a wonderful relaxing time.

We then left and began our journey back south by going north to Mzuzu to swing back round onto a better road. But on the way I suddenly felt the car almost hopping. Quick pull into a garage and look at that.  The side of the tyre had split and left a giant bulge. Not very clever.

See the weird bulge to the left of his hand - nice straight profile as well.

Big rip just on the right and wire sticking out on the left. This tyre had to go back on!

 So quicker than you can say McLaren Formula One Pit Stop Tyre Change Challenge we jacked the car up, put the spare on and then had to bump start the car. Our car battery has died (they only live two years out here) and so if we stop and want to start it again soon it has to be bump started. It was not the first on the trip and not the last either – although if any of you were wondering yes you can bump start in reverse!

And we were off. The winding hills were very pleasant and the road was new so we gently made our way through Northern Malawi taking in the breaktaking scenery. For those of you that like to keep on top of such things Mayoka village was Weds to Sunday and we are now talking about a gentle Sunday morning drive.

Most of the day was spent cruising to our last stop over – back at Dedza pottery. We were supposed to be stopping at Mua Mission but they didn't call me back. So we were going to go there in the morning. Or so we thought.

Up bright and early, after eating my own weight in goat the night before – the meat was so big I couldn’t finish it. We jumped back on the S127 – any excuse – and meandered our way through the mountain pass and down the other side where, whilst driving through some small village, there was a hiss and a flap and a wobble. Yep one flat tyre. A puncture and a torn tyre in two days.Unbelievable. A nice gentleman told us that there was no mechanic here and the nearest on was 12km away so under the scrutiny of 50 school children – who had obviously never seen three white people change a tyre – we, very swiftly because we had a system for it by then! – changed the wheel and had to but the bulged one back on! Yes the one up there in the photo.

Next we crawled at little under 30km/h for 12 km trying to not to burst our spare tyre. Eventually we found a policemen and a gentleman who wanted a lift and showed us to the mechanic where our Chiyembekezo became a proper Malawi car by being propped up on the side of the road with no wheel!

Ahhh poor car.

He also only had one tyre that was our size which in keeping with the F1 themem could have been described as slick. But we had no choice and donned the thing and with a balancing act of trying to get home in the light and not blowing up anymore tyres we made in back to Blantyre – where a man in a black mask sold us two new tyres – seriously you thought they were expensive in the UK. Try UK prices with duty and vat then added on to it! EEssh.

But being a a broken car is better than the back of a truck eh? (This is a fairly common picture!)

But we are back safe and sound and intending to do little day trips the rest of the week until Momma T flies out on Friday. From which airport we are not sure because they shut Blantyre for emergency resurfacing works – but it is allegedly opening on Wednesday. We shall wait and see.

 STATMAN

Number of bumps starts – 6

Number of Tyre changes – 7 including the new tyres and moving the old ones.

Number of melons bought by the side of the road – 4

Cost of melons – 80p (for all four)

Number of Kms covered in weeks holiday – 1200 ish( three driving days of 400 ish)

Number of pot holes hit – too many

Number of police stops – too many

Number of Americans that fell in the lake – not enough! (for my US audience I am only joking!)

Favourite Meal – Pam’s was the pancakes and scrambled eggs with maple syrup for breakfast.

-          Momma Ts was the Thai curry three course buffet we had

-          Mine was the Braii buffet with honey garlic ¼ chicken and beef skewers.

Momma T and the flip flops

WOW this has by far been the hardest blog to post for no internet, dodgy internet, and slow internet. I have a few more photos to post (Wire coat hanger and trees - read you'll understand) but for now I just hope this goes up!!!!!!

 

 

Momma T (Pam’s mum Tina for the uninitiated) has landed. She arrived at Blantyre airport into the blazing sunshine and in good old African style she was an hour late – not her fault, someone got off at Lilongwe and couldn’t find their luggage.

She settled into Mtisidi for all of two nights before we packed up an f…left. J (Kids might be reading.)

That was Friday. Previously in the week I had gone to rugby and doogles – much more civilised than last week owing to it not being my birthday.

Ooohh it was like a second Christmas again, Tina came with presents for me and pam and I got all my birthday cards that had been sent. They are all securely nestled on the book shelf – another slice of home.

Sunday was our travelling day and so we introduced Momma T to the Malawi road system. Dead dogs, crazy overtaking, random manoeuvres and that was all just me!

We arrived in Nkotakota, which is a very relaxing beach resort. The only issue was the amount of ants. With it being rainy season all the ants decided that the outdoor life is only for the hot sunny days and they move inside with their little knapsacks and knotted handkerchiefs over their shoulders. There were thousands of them. Today we had the joy of watching Pam shake them out of her hair!

Nkotakota was very relaxing, we drank and ate and sat on the beach and read. But we did have adventure! Oh yes.

We gleaned the guide book for things to do and lo and behold something spoke to us, something called out that said ‘You have to do this’ and that was to go to the restaurant down the beach. We could have driven but that would be 10 kilometers along roads that are not roads in anyone’s dictionary except a Malawians, and they make up most of their words so I strongly suspect that they don’t have dictionaries. Where was I? Yes 10 kilometres or 5 minute walk. 5 minute walk right? Now the thing was that I had checked out the route in the daylight. It was 2 minutes along the sand, 1 minute of negotiating rocks and stepping over a small inlet stream thing, then another 2 minutes of walking along the beach.

The two things I had not considered, well actually three things I had not considered. One, it was dark when we attempted it the second time, two I am a man – now this is not to be sexiest but purlease we are so much better at getting to the pub in the dark than women – and three that the women in question where Pam and Momma T.

The first two minutes were fine.

The rocks were okay.

The stepping over the inlet….well I leapt gazelle like – graceful, far and perfect. Pam took her flip flops off and waded in a skirt. Momma T valiantly stepped across, made it but accidently flung her flip flops aside to lessen the load and guarantee landing. I stepped up, sacrificed the dryness of one trainer and got the first back but alas the second was taken by the raging torrent of water. There was a cry in the dark that was something along the lines of ‘ you bloody idiot why did you bring us this way,’ and ‘my flip flop’. I couldn’t tell you who said what but I have my suspicions. I saw and opportunity with a length of bamboo style stick in the water and said calmly and cooly – ‘Pam throw me that stick, no that one, the one at your feet, no the other one! What are you doing! That was a rubbish throw!!! Arrgghhh you’re useless.’

Pam’s response was something along the lines of ‘I’m sorry darling, I am trying my hardest but the thing us I can’t see as it’s dark, the wood is wet and therefore breaking in my hand and, despite it being my fault I throw like a girl’ at least that’s what I heard – like I said maybe children are reading.

Eventually Lake Malawi decided it had had enough fun and brought the thing close enough for us to snatch it and we did and then continued on our way to drink copious amounts of alcohol.

 Pam surrounded by small children by the trees - they are mentioned below but it has taken me so long to get this photo on it's staying here!

The way back we were prepared and there was only one issue of Pam losing her flip flops, but ha we were pros by this point and retrieve in with minimum fuss.

Yes the two women survived with their flip flops intact. I on the other hand did not. Earlier in the day I had gone for a paddle in the lake. I left my flip flops by the side. Either lake Malawi or some light fingered local took a fancy to them  - either way I left Nkotakota without my faithful companions.

view of our two cottages from the beach

(View of the beach from the cottages)

Chiyembekezo (the car)  has had some running repairs as well. Sometime previously the exhaust bracket had failed and that resulted in us grounding out a few times on the road to Nkotakota (really awkward have to write that each time!) especially on the dirt road in. But in my time here I have picked up a few things, mostly that if it’s a car part it’s not really broke until it doesn’t resemble a car part. So next time your exhaust gives a little rattle don’t go to Kwik Fit, oh no no, go to your wardrobe and select the sturdiest looking wire coat hanger you have – badda bing! And remember you heard it here first!

Pretty moonrise

Pam found the manual shutter speed button

With exhaust firmly attached we left NKK ( see what I did there) and went to visit a tree. Two trees in fact. One Kamuzu Banda sat under in 1960 to tell the Malawian population that he was going to wrestle power from Colonial Britain and sit in office for 30 odd years running Malawi as he saw fit, and the other was Dr Livingstone (I presume!) and some salve trader called Jumbe. Their conversation went along the lines of;

Livingstone: Please give up the slave trade.

Jumbe: No.

Livingstone: Do you know who I am?

Jumbe: Dr Livingstone I presume.

Livingstone: Hmm I seem to get that a lot. Yes. Pretty please give it up.

Jumbe: Hmm no.

Or something like that.  Anyway they are important trees in the history of Malawian, and a very efficient way of poor villagers to make money seeing as they have conveniently built their village in such a way that if you didn’t know the exact location of the trees you would end up in the lake. Even Livingstone would get lost, well I presume so at any rate.

Box for trees ticked we proceeded along the picturesque route to Nkata Bay (NB for ease) where we are currently sitting with alcohol awaiting our curry buffet dinner. But as it is Wednesday already I will regale you with the delights of NB in the next blog. Can’t have you having too much fun now can we. 

STATMAN

 

Time taken to upload this blog – 3 frickin days

Number of harry potter themed lodges – 7 (four houses, Hedwig, crookshanks and prongs)

Our cottage

Amount of coffee drank at NKK – 4 rounds of 3

Number of games of beans – 9

Number of games of beans before Momma T got it – 5 (she has won since then)

Check out the size of my cock!

Apologies Mum but it had to be done. Yes this was one of my many birthday presents  - an jumbo set of badminton and tennis. 

Well what a birthday weekend it turned out to be. To be fair it was more of a birthday week as it started on Thursday- cos that was my birthday. I had the choice of breakfasts of bacon, eggs, pancakes or any
combination of the three. With maple syrup. Well I went a little old school and had bacon and egg sandwich. Tasty! 

I also received presents from my lovely wife, one is a map of Malawi from 1885. 

The other a bottle of wine and a piece of wood to hold it in, although I must admit I did let go of the wine with some nervousness. I have seen the quality of carpentry out here!

Check out the JCB birthday card from my four year old neighbour!

Work was work. Boring, we poured concrete and messed about pretending to be builders. Actually we did do something quite interesting. I have some seats for the netball court I am building and well the excavator we were using was taken off us as we don’t pay any rent for it (same company) so now it is
saving Africa somewhere in the north of the country. I have two pits about the size of a transit van each (end on) to fill. I thought right we will get some boys and some barrows and they can use the ramp, already built mind you, and barrow the soil, already bought to the bottom by a dumper, to the top for a
little bit of money. These two fellas came in to offer us a quote for the works. Well my QS is quite a straight kind of guy. Doesn't mess around, gets on with work. Not like the QSs I have had to work with in the UK (Vaughny Armitage Fallon), oh no! Well you can imagine my surprise when I see him burst out laughing. Laughing so hard he is literally crying. When he managed to get himself under control he took one more look at these two and was off again. Their quote was so astronomically high, and I concur they wanted half the value of the whole contract to wheel barrow some dirt, that they had sent my QS into fits of giggles.
But we had a problem. No excavator and no sub contractor and pits that needed to be filled. Well with a little bit of ingenuity and clever thinking, and I have to be honest here my foreman came up with the idea, we built a giant dirt ramp and drove a JCB 4DX half way up our seating to dump soil over the
top. What I thought would cost us a fair bit of money and take about a week took us a morning. So I was happy with that – you have to take the small victories out here, they don’t come often. 

Thursday night. In my wisdom I decided to keep quiet about my birthday when I went to rugby. We played touch in the fading light and finished as we normally do, under flood lights at about 6.30 maybe 7. Quick shower and change then I thought I would treat myself to the T-bone steak.

Top nomage!

 By the way I didn’t forget to photo breakfast this week, but there is still no picture as I didn’t have breakfast this week.
The T-bone, which to be fair is a bit hit and miss, came up trumps and was cooked to a nice medium. Now before you all cry foul and call me a big girls blouse for having a medium. I would normally have it rare, but one the meat is not always the best and well I was happy it didn't look like it came from the charcoal bag rather than the top of the braai.
I worked my way through the steak, washed down with a beer or two when a young lady came round offering a birthday cake. It was delicious and I quietly asked if it was her birthday that day, when she replied yes I said we share the same birthday.
Well I was not expecting the big ‘oh happy birthday!’ and of course they all heard. Someone decided it would be a good idea to buy a bottle of brandy for us all!

I was not much use on Friday. 

But, in the words of the great Sean Bean, when Saturday comes.....(feel free to correct me if that isn't the title of his SUFC film) I was ready. I had been thinking about what to do for my birthday, bbq, pool party, out to a restaurant. Then it struck me. There is only one thing us British folk should do when we find ourselves with spare time in the Colonies. And that is enjoy a spot of cricket with a darn good tea afterwards. 

Fine figure of a man!

And so we did. Fred Truman, Shane Warne and Graeme Smith would have been proud. There was wickets, and fours and sixes. Jaffas and Yorkers. Pulls, pushes, cuts and more!

Dawson vs Dawson

Then after such excitement we all got too tired and sat down for the tea break. Pam’s now world famous carrot cake is centre front, with salads, chicken, potatoes and pasta we stuffed ourselves for most of the afternoon.

Our tasty spread

Birthday boy with the birthday cake

With a few games of bananagrams (Simon I tried to fight your corner but apparently Zoonose is a word. It is some kind of medical disease – cha right!), beans, uno, badminton and tennis. 

They only thing that took a slight shine off the day was the amount of abuse our ankles took from a particularly viscous strain of mosquito. They were likely the SAS, you didn’t see them, you didn’t feel them, you just felt the aftermath of what they had done.Then the tired little teddy bears all went home cos they were bloody knackered! Well one car did. The other braved Chez Maky where a beer can take anything upto an hour to be served!

Sunday was another tough day were we ate leftovers, swam by the pool, then went and watched the rugby......sorry Mum. Another win for England. We just need the French to do us a favour!

And then today I have started the fifth and hopefully final draft of my novel. Maybe this one will get published....who knows. Next week I am not sure if I will have internet as we are away on holiday with Pam’s mum but I will try and post something at some point. 

Can’t say fairer than that!

Price of the T-Bone Steak - about 5 pounds
Time it took to eat - about 8 minutes
Number of Branta's* drank - too many
Cricketers - 5
Runs scored - four half centuries and an unbeaten 128 NO (Honest!)
Wickets taken - 23 (falling like nine pins)
Best bowling figures - 9-45-39-0-12 (you can tell I follow cricket eh eh!)
Number of Birthday cakes I had - 3
Number of mossie bites - 12 on one foot, 7 on the other.
Number of layers in the cake - four! get in
Number of callories in the cake - 1.264 zillion (taking into account the exchange rate!)

*See early posts for explanation

33 and counting....

My last entry as a 33 year old. Sad times, but what you going to do. On with the show I hear you cry. And so we must, and so we shall.

We had a leaving meal for one of Pam’s work friends on Wednesday which was a nightmare. There must have been thirty people, which was nice for Chris (our friend), he is that popular, but not for the ones of us that wanted to eat that night. Actually I must confess, I was not a problem. Turned up last ordered first and got my large Mega Meaty pizza. Badda bing as they say in Italia. One girl had to wait around two and a half hours for her meal, well after everyone else had eaten. It took them one and a half hours to bring Pam’s milk shake! And then there was the bill. One person absconded without paying, then there was a shortage at the end. But eventually it all got sorted out.

Work this week has been a bit Dickensian, a tale of two projects. And two subcontractors. The football field steps are coming along at a relatively good pace, and hopefully they will be finished soon. Then  I can don my short shorts and challenge people to a game of netball. The car park has moved at a more African pace, with very little happening. Too much soil, wrong equipment, blah blah blah.

Friday we had yet another leaving do, much more sophisticated though, at a little Italian, with wine and pasta and steaks. Before some clever Luigi points out that pizza is Italian, (ie the other places was Italian) yes and no. Wednesday’s restaurant is the kind of place where it serves pizzas, burgers, Chinese, thai, Mexican, Indian and no doubt a whole load more I have forgotten. No, Friday we had candles and ambiance.

Then Saturday (bugger forgotten to take picture of breakfast again!) we had a farewell breakfast to Claire as she left Malawi and is now freezing back in blighty somewhere (hello Claire). Then the remainder of Saturday was spent unpicking Pam’s hair resulting innnnnnnnn this!

Which was a pointless exercise because for the first 6 hours of Sunday the women had to put a different set back in again. Resulting in this. (Arty shot).

(Blessings somewhat confused as to where the course went!)

Sunday afternoon was very energetic spent playing mini golf around our compound followed by swimming in the pool and eating from a braai in the sunshine – I know I know this volunteering is terrible, awful! 

Then the evening was a game fest dominated by moi. Three games of Bananagrams – 3 victories for me. One game of Beans – another victory for me.

This by the way is Pam’s board using all the letters of bananagrams. She was very impressed with herself.

And then finally on Monday, which was a bank holiday due to it being Martyrs day Pam and I decided to go all the way to Satamewa Tea Estate which boasts mountain biking, croquet, green bowls, horse riding.

The journey there.

What it fails to tell you is that you will be turned away at the gate if you don’t have a booking. Guess what – we didn’t have a booking. Yep sat there at the gate for about 20mins wondering if they would let us in. But nope, they turned us around. 

Just before the gate.

Tea pickers doing what tea pickers do.

We decided to visit Game Haven instead. A safari/country park/country club. Looks like it has a very nice golf course though, not sure if the Ibexes get’s you extra points on the driving range!

Ibexes left, 100 yard marker right.

And a take away Indian curry saw off the week in comfort.

We also found Wally on the way. He was very athletic and didn't wait for the truck to stop before jumping on.

STATMAN;

Distance to Satamewa: 45kms – mostly wasted.

Meals eaten out this week – 7

Films watched this week – 4

                After Earth 5/10

                Django Unchained 6/10 (bit disappointed in QT)

                12 Years A Slave 9/10 Excellent film. Not a nice film by any means, but a great one.

                Warm Bodies – 6.5/10 Bit of harmless fun.

Hours taken for Pam’s hair – 6 –by the way it took about 6 to get it out as well.

Number of people who have left since we have been here – 8 (included short term visitors)

Days until Pam’s mum turns up – 10

Days until my parents turn up – 42

Days until my birthday - 2